Advanced Theory
by Dualism aka Dualshine
Summary: There were very few things in life that Sora hated. Riku was one of them. [RS]
1. A Blossoming Virgin's Aesthetic

**Advanced Theory**

 **Disclaimer:** Sora! That mean pasty white jerk will never have you! Now, if only Squeenix would unfortunately, Fujihisa isn't mine, either. He belongs to Narumi, Sugai Aya, and a ton of other manga…people…things. And most importantly, one line here was borrowed, with changes, from Twig's _A Long, Hard Road._ If you've read her beautiful fic, you'll know it when you get to it, as it was simply an unforgettable line, and its purpose here is both for plot, and to pay homage to that wonderful story.

 **Author's Notes:** So, a while ago (a _long_ while ago), I promised **The Writer** a gift fic. Unfortunately for me, I had absolutely no idea what to write. And then I found _Happy Play_ on Hack the Mainstream's website. It's not that it was the most well-written or well-drawn manga in the world; hell, in essence it really wasn't more than a PWP. But the consent issues found therein intrigued me. Or rather, the way they were dismissed, and how so little attention was paid to the aftereffects. From there, Riku and Sora replaced Narumi and Fujihisa in my mind, and I decided that I had to write it. So there ya go.

 **Warnings:** Somewhat **dubious consent** , bordering on noncon. More so in the first chapter than any others. Do _not_ read unless you're comfortable with the fact that this relationship does not begin healthily.

This is dedicated, of course, to the lovely **The Writer You Fools,** for whom this shoddy little five-shot was written.

* * *

 **Advanced Theory**

 **Chapter One: A Blossoming Virgin's Aesthetic**

There were very few things on this good green earth that Sora Fujihisa disliked, fewer that he hated, and only one or two that he outright loathed.

Sora hated bumblebees. You couldn't really fault him, because he was deathly allergic to the little buggers, and broke out in hives, rashes, and warts if he was so much as _tapped_ by said insects. Remember that little blond kid from _My Girl?_ Weak.

He also hated the color pink, much to Kairi's chagrin. Had since his fifth birthday party when crazy uncle Xemnas decked the halls with boughs of poppies. And not the normal red kind, either. To this day, Sora's eyes started twitching upon even _seeing_ the color. Seifer, in one of his rare fits of human decency, had taken it upon himself to sneak into the redhead's house and burn every article of pink clothing she possessed.

The scar on his face? That was all Kairi.

He was also vaguely aware that he hated cruelty to animals, the burning of the rainforest, and the bird flu. Since Sora was only a college sophomore, however, none of these dislikes played a large part in his thought processes, and he continued living life happily enough.

No, when all was said and done, there were very few things in life that Sora Fujihisa hated. Riku Narumi was one of them.

"And so, if one examines ' _in Just-'_ it becomes evident that Cummings created the poem as a portrayal of innocence, using a child's language and the merging of names, which itself implies-"

In the back row of the small classroom, Roxas slumped further into his seat, laying his ruffled blond head onto the desk.

"Damn," he yawned, stretching his arms forward and flexing his fingers. "Why won't Riku just shut up? The professor asked for a comment, not a thorough analysis on syntax or symbolism or whatever. There _is_ such a thing as too much information." Thumping his head lightly on the desk, he turned to look at the slim boy slouched in the seat beside him.

"Oi, Sora?" he asked, lolling his head slightly along the desk. "You okay over there?"

The little brunet sitting next to him moaned, rubbing at his eyes irritably with one fist. "Yeah," he sighed. "I'm fine. Just wondering what could have been possessing me when I signed up for an honors literature class. I should've known that _he'd_ be here."

Roxas shrugged. "You're good at English," he whispered, shooting a furtive glance at the teacher, who had begun speaking again. "You're just always so distracted-"

"Always been that way," Sora sighed, leaning his head back onto the wall. "I'd just rather be _outside._ Look at how pretty it is out there," he smiled, nodding towards the window. "Much better than this smelly, dingy old-"

"Sora? Is there anything you'd like to share with the room?"

Sora flinched and looked upward. Professor Zexion was standing there calmly, tapping his laser pointer idly on one arm. He sighed and chanced a glance at Roxas, but his blond twin had his nose buried in the textbook, a small smirk pulling his lips upward. Rolling his eyes internally, Sora smiled sheepishly.

"Not really, Professor," he began slowly. "I was just…err…wondering why the 'm' in the phrase 'balloonMan' was capitalized at the end. It kinda…emphasizes the fact that the balloon man is an adult, which could sorta add an aura of…sexuality to the poem right? Which, I guess, sorta disagrees with what Riku said about the total innocence of the piece."

Zexion raised a delicate eyebrow but nodded grudgingly, resuming his position at the head of the class. Sora grinned at Roxas and mouthed the word 'SparkNotes,' surreptitiously sneaking glances at the professor. The blond smirked back and rolled his eyes, dropping his head back onto the desk.

Sora sighed and again turned his face towards the window. Damn. He'd give _anything_ to be outside right now, playing and running with Roxas and Tidus and the rest. Anywhere but _here_ , in this small, crowded classroom where the air was stale and the heaters were blasting and where Riku was sitting - not ten feet away - just slouching and glaring and _staring-_

He shuddered and glanced quickly to the side, frowning at the white-haired upperclassmen sprawled in his seat three rows ahead. There had always been something wrong about the cocky junior, something just _off,_ and it grated on Sora's nerves like nothing else had ever been able to do. Everything about him - from the perfectly coiffed hair, to the proud tilt of his head, to the lean muscles flexing with every movement the older boy made - rubbed Sora the wrong way.

Sora really wasn't a mean person, and when he'd first come to grips with his intense dislike of the upperclassman, he'd fallen into a veritable depression of ' _Oh no, the road to becoming a psycho mad-axe murderer begins like_ _ **this!**_ ' There really _was_ no logical reason as to why Sora hated Riku so much - he just _did_. The sky was blue, a burger was greasy, and Sora hated Riku. It was one of the facts of life, and Sora could no more contest it than he could wake up with a normal head of hair.

Sora thought it was destiny. Roxas insisted it the keyblade wedged up Riku's ass.

The small brunet sighed and lolled his head backwards. Whatever the reason, it was giving him an ulcer. Everywhere he _looked_ , there was Riku, and this was stranger than one might have thought. They were in _college,_ in one of the largest and most acclaimed undergraduate universities this side of the northern hemisphere. Riku had _no right_ to be as omnipresent as he apparently was. They moved in different circles; Sora had no idea why they continued colliding.

On the one hand, there was Sora - the school's sweetheart. He was that rare sort who made friends everywhere, and not the fair-weather kind who'd turn tail at the first sound of sirens. Sora was upbeat, kind, with the largest smile and widest eyes anyone had ever seen. Intelligent enough, if a bit of a daydreamer, but he simply wouldn't be Sora - Hollow Bastion's little sky-boy - if he was anything but.

And then on the flip side, there was Riku. Cocky, arrogant, brilliant Riku who seduced with a single breath and who never gave anyone a second glance. Because he was simply so much _better_ than everyone else; why _should_ he give anyone the time of day?

Sora groaned internally. Everything about Riku's very presence offended him on some deep, instinctive level. It was made worse by the fact that Riku seemed omnipresent, and everywhere he looked the upperclassman would be standing there, staring at him with those deep sea-green eyes.

' _Like now,'_ he thought, frowning. The older boy had shifted in his seat, his empty gaze focused on Sora. The first few times, Sora had written it off, simply believing that Riku had been dreaming and needed somewhere to rest his eyes. And then it had happened again, and again; lately, the nape of his neck would find itself prickling more often than not.

What irritated Sora the most was that Riku never seemed to be _feeling_ anything when he stared at the little brunet. A glare he could handle, a sneer he could laugh at, but Riku's face was always kept perfectly blank, and Sora could never read the emotions in the other boy's eyes.

He furrowed his brow, the corners of his mouth dropping severely and nose crinkling in distaste. God, why wouldn't Riku just _look away?_ And then the white-haired boy blinked, and just like that the uncomfortable staring contest was brought to an end.

Beside him, Roxas blinked one bleary eye open to look at his twin brother. "Sora. You look angry."

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. "False."

A raised eyebrow. "He did it again, didn't he?"

The brunet nodded, just once. "Yeah. I hate it. I hate _him_."

Roxas's eyes narrowed and he shot a glare at the back of Riku's head. "I know you do," he muttered quietly. "It's _Riku_ I worry about."

Sora frowned curiously. "What on earth are you-"

"Boys? In case you haven't noticed, class is over."

The twins jerked simultaneously upright, staring around wildly. Zexion was standing there, face schooled perfectly blank, but with an almost amused gleam in his eye. "I'm flattered that you both enjoy my class enough to try and extend it for an extra five minutes, but unlike the two of you, _I_ actually have a life."

Sora grinned and grabbed his book bag, Roxas clambering to his feet beside him. "What life, Zexy?" he asked smarmily. "You're at _our_ house 24/7."

"He's right, you know," Roxas added quietly, a soft smirk tilting his lips. "You're life consists of nothing but teaching, eating, and sexing our older brother up."

"Demyx told us to invite you over tonight, by the way," Sora continued, beaming. "He's cooking. And the construction is done. His room is now sound-proof. The pair of you can drop your pants whenever you want, and it won't bother us any."

"His bed _is_ still broken, however," Roxas said thoughtfully. "I thought that only happened in pornos."

"We carried the coffee table in, though. We figured that was enough horizontal surface for you two."

"Wouldn't do for Demyx to get rug burn, now, would it?" Roxas muttered, grinning ferally.

"If the two of you are done discussing my sex life," Zexion seethed, "I'd appreciate it. I do, as the pair of you so aptly reminded me, have an appointment with your brother and his coffee table. So if you'd be kind enough to leave?"

"No problem, Zexion," Sora laughed, slinging his bag over one shoulder and making after Roxas, who was already halfway to the door and chuckling quietly to himself. "We'll see you at dinner."

Zexion nodded, but his eyes narrowed slightly. "Of course," he murmured. "But Sora?"

The brunet turned slightly, glancing once at Roxas in apology. He shrugged in question, and the older man continued.

"I was speaking with Professor Vexen a few days ago. He said that you were barely passing Chemistry."

Sora smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his forehead. He opened his mouth to speak, but Roxas was already interrupting.

"You're almost failing Chem 31?" he asked angrily. "Why'd you never say anything? I could work with you!"

Both Sora and Zexion raised slim eyebrows. "Dude," Sora said. "You suck at science."

"Sora's right, Roxas," Zexion agreed. "I know you managed a B in the class last semester, but that was with a bell curve, and there's no way you're familiar enough with the material to teach Sora. If you wanted," he continued, pausing to glance at the brunet, "I could set you up with a tutor."

Sora frowned, but shrugged noncommittally. "I wouldn't mind," he said slowly. "I guess it just depends on who it is."

"Well," Zexion said, gathering his papers, "I always thought that Riku was the best-"

"No."

Zexion ground to a halt, staring at the two young boys who'd just spoken in unison.

"Sora doesn't really get along with Riku," Roxas sighed grudgingly. When Zexion raised his eyebrows, the blond continued. "There's really no reason. Sora just clashes with him."

Had Zexion been a lesser man, he'd have choked. "Sora? _Sora's_ clashing with somebody? A real, live human being?"

"I'm standing right here," Sora muttered irritably. "And no, I don't like him."

"Alright," Zexion said, nodding slowly. "Okay. Well, we can find someone else. Have either of you met Axel? He's pretty good, too. Probably has something to do with the fact that he gets to play with flammable chemicals. I'll set up a meeting later."

Sora nodded, switching his book bag from one shoulder to the other. "Right. Just tell me at dinner tonight, and I'll meet with whoever you want. "

Zexion nodded and waved his two students off. "Okay. You two get out of here. I'll see you later."

Roxas and Sora nodded, lifting hands in a wave before they disappeared out the door and down the hall.

Once out of earshot, Roxas sighed. "Damn. We're already late for lunch."

"They'll wait for us."

"Yeah, but Hayner'll be mad. He could eat a chocobo, that one."

Sora snorted. "Well, hurry up then!" he shouted, breaking into a run. "Can't keep your best friend waiting!"

"Too late for that," a low voice called. Roxas and Sora both ground to a halt, turning in the direction of the speaker. A tall, slim blond was standing there, smirking slightly with his hands resting on his waist.

"Took you two long enough," Hayner muttered. "We were getting bored."

Roxas and Sora shot each other sheepish looks and laughed. "Sorry," Sora grinned. "Zexy wanted sex advice."

"Turns out Demyx isn't quite satisfied-"

"And since the two of us are _just_ so invested in their happiness-"

"Demy-kins being our brother, after all-"

"We figured we'd help the guy out."

Hayner grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut. "Dude. I have Zexion as a professor next fall. I really don't wanna know what he does at night."

Roxas flashed his friend a smirk. "Neither did we. And then they left their door open."

"If you guys are done," a tan redhead interrupted, "We'd like to go to lunch. We can talk about the joys of gay sex after I've got something in my stomach."

"Didn't know you swung that way, Wakka!" a short brunette piped from beside him. "And all these years I thought you liked Lulu."

Sora smiled softly to himself. This was his life, and he wouldn't have it any other way - surrounded by the best friends anyone could ever have and happier than he could imagine being. Wakka and Tidus and Selphie, whom he'd known since childhood. Hayner, Pence, and Olette, roommates and hall mates, and the nicest people he'd ever met. Roxas. And Kairi, of course.

"It's nice, isn't it?" the small redhead murmured softly, sidling up beside him.

"We never thought we'd be here, did we?" he whispered, shooting her a sidelong glance. "Remember when we were kids, playing on our island? We'd dream of escaping, of going somewhere else. We made it, didn't we?"

Kairi smiled and ruffled his hair. "Yeah. We did."

They grinned at each other and slung their arms around the other's shoulders comfortably. "Come on, you lazy bums!" Kairi laughed, pulling Sora along. "Standing around won't fill up my stomach any quicker!"

"You eat more than the rest of us," Hayner muttered. "What kind of girl are you?"

"A growing one."

"With a freakish metabolism."

"Are we _leaving_ yet?!"

"We've been moving for the last two minutes, idiot, in case you haven't noticed!"

Roxas sighed and shot a grin at Sora. "Yes," he quipped. "These _are_ the people we willingly choose to hang out with."

"It was your idea," Sora beamed. "I had nothing to do with it."

"Oh, God," Hayner interrupted out of nowhere, grimacing. "It's _him_."

The group turned towards Hayner questioningly. The tall blond's face had twisted in an expression of deepest loathing, and he nodded irritably to their right. "Check it out. The bitch from hell."

Sora followed Hayner's line of sight, and the muscles in his jaw clenched. Of course. _Riku._ Everywhere he went, it had to be Riku.

"It's a freakin' huge campus," Tidus grouched. "Why does he always come to _our_ café?"

"It's not like we've got a monopoly on the place," Selphie sighed, snuggling into his side. "He's got as much of a right to come here as we do."

"Don't have to like it, Selph," Hayner moaned. "Come on. Let's just keep walking."

Sora sighed, dropping his arm from around Kairi's shoulder. Riku always seem to arrive at the small, backwater café in conjunction with their group, much to Sora's chagrin. It was just one of those things. He shot Roxas a despairing look, rolling his eyes. The blond answered it with an annoyed one, but shrugged helplessly.

"Wait," Tidus suddenly cried, holding a hand out to halt his friends. "Kairi? Where are you going?"

The group turned as one towards the little redhead, who had begun walking away, stalking towards the white-haired upperclassman and coming to a halt in front of him, arms akimbo.

"What does she think she's doing?" Hayner hissed. "We don't _talk_ to him!"

Sora frowned, his mouth thinning faintly. Hayner was right; none of their group _ever_ talked to Riku. Whether or not they actually disliked him wasn't the point. Sora hated him, Roxas hated him, Hayner hated him, and out of respect for their feelings the rest of their close-knit group stayed away.

"Oh no," Olette suddenly moaned, abruptly grabbing onto Pence's arm. "She can't be…she couldn't possibly be-"

"Oi, Riku," Kairi said, her face uncharacteristically solemn. "Do you have a minute?"

The tall boy's face tightened, and he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'm speaking with you right now, aren't I?" he asked quietly, one eyebrow raising in what could only be interpreted as mockery. Kairi sighed, clasping her hands behind her back and leaning forward slightly.

"I don't wanna do this," she muttered, "but I promised. D'you know Myrna? She lives on the third floor of Corel - the very last dorm on the quad? She said she was in your econ class." When Riku nodded slowly, she continued.

"Yeah. Well, she wants to meet you to talk about the project. Over dinner. Like, a date. She'd have asked you herself, but-"

"No."

Kairi raised an eyebrow, and her frown deepened. "She's really nice. And she honestly likes you."

Riku shrugged and turned away. "It doesn't matter to me," he murmured. "I have no feelings for her. It'd be a waste of time. Tell her that we'll meet at the library, just like we'd agreed."

The slim red-head's eyes narrowed. "Sora was right about you," she called angrily at the upperclassman's retreating back. "You really _are_ a heartless bastard."

There was only the slightest pause in Riku's step before he continued on, disappearing into the mass of students.

Kairi groaned, tossing her head back and running irritated fingers through her short red hair. "God," she muttered. "You try and do a good deed, and you end up with a fistful of man-bitch on one side and a handful of sobbing woman on the other. Damn. Why did I sign up for this?"

"That's what I'd like to ask," Roxas groused, walking up to his friend, the rest of their group following closely behind him. "What did you _think_ would happen?" he asked angrily. "Riku's _never_ given anyone a second look."

"Poor girl," Hayner sighed. "Did she really think that Riku would ever agree to _anything_ that could possibly show a bit of humanity?"

"It's not her fault," Olette proclaimed fervently. "Myrna's a transfer, she just arrived at the beginning of spring semester. She doesn't know how Riku is, she couldn't know-"

"She'd be better off with Barret," Kairi muttered. "He's _obsessed_ with her, and _he_ doesn't have a stick up his ass."

"The ROTC guy? I thought he was with that Shalua girl."

"No," Selphie chimed in, scratching her chin thoughtfully. "They were together for a few weeks last semester, but there was nothing there. Come to think of it, I _have_ seen him carrying Myrna's books for her every now and then-"

"I hate him."

All heads swiveled towards Sora, staring in surprise. The little brunet was frowning fiercely at the spot where Riku had once stood, his soft face crinkled in uncharacteristic anger. "Riku- _fucking_ -Narumi. I _hate_ him," he repeated. "Who the hell does he think he is? She just wanted a _date_ , she just wanted to get to know him better; it was the least he could have done!"

"Sora," Tidus began slowly. "None of us like him, but aren't you overreacting a bit?"

"No!" Sora shouted angrily. "I'm not! Riku's never cared about anyone but himself, and he's never paused to think about how other's feel. He has girl after girl throwing themselves at him, and he just flings them off without even a proper apology or explanation. He doesn't have to _like_ them, but he's always so impolite, always so high and mighty, he never stops to _think-_ "

"Sora!" Roxas bit out sharply. "Calm down!"

"I _won't_ calm down! Riku's always thought he's the best at everything. He never admits he's wrong, he never says anything to _anybody_ , he never gives anyone the time of day!"

"That's just _Riku_ ," Olette murmured placatingly. "You can't change people like that, you just have to go through life ignoring 'em."

"Let it go," Wakka said, shoving Sora's shoulder lightly. "He's a bastard, ya? But you don't have to let him get-."

"Sora?" Roxas interrupted, eyebrows drawing together. He lifted a hand and placed it on his older brother's shoulder, clutching tightly. "Please?"

Sora said nothing for a moment, his eyes squeezed shut and his fists clenched. When he spoke, it wasn't directed towards his brother.

"Pence?" he asked, turning towards his friend. "Do you have your camera?" When the shorter boy snorted and pulled it out of his book bag, Sora continued.

"Alright, I want you all to follow me. I'm gonna do something. Nothing dangerous, Roxas. I'm just gonna mess with his head a little. And I want you to be there to take a picture, Pence."

"Sora," Roxas began warningly, but his brother held up a hand.

"You can't stop me," he frowned. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. Nothing bad will happen. I just want a picture of Riku's face when I'm done. It's just for the shock value, alright?"

And then Sora was moving, threading his way through the throng of students walking to their dorms and classes, and his group of friends had to push in order to keep up with him. It took more than five minutes before they spotted a head of white hair through the crowd, and then Sora started running.

"Oi! Narumi!" he shouted, waving a hand through the air. Riku's head jerked and he came to a halt, adjusting his book bag's strap over his shoulder and waiting for the small brunet to catch up. Sora drew to a halt in front of him and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Hey," he began. "I wanted to tell you something." Riku raised an eyebrow but said nothing, and Sora opened his mouth to continue.

"It's…it's just that I…I'd wanted…" and _now_ his nerve was failing him? He'd been chasing after this arrogant son of a bitch for the last five minutes - he was gonna say his piece, dammit!

"If you don't have anything to say," Riku interrupted, eyes narrowing, "then don't bother calling for me." He turned around and made to continue on his way, and that was all the motivation Sora needed.

"Stop!" he shouted. "What I wanted to say is…" he took a deep breath to steady himself, and spoke.

"I like you, Riku. I really, really like you."

Pence dropped the camera.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" Selphie whispered, her eyes unnaturally wide. "He didn't just-"

"No," Tidus whispered. "He couldn't have."

"Take the picture," Hayner managed to say through the mouthful of air he was swallowing. "Pence! Look at his face! Take the picture!"

"Oh Sora," Kairi whispered. "What are you doing?"

A resounding _crack_ filled the air, and all heads turned towards Roxas. The blond was standing there, the pencil he was holding dropping to the floor in four small pieces.

"That idiot," he ground out through gritted teeth. "That fucking _idiot."_

Sora really hoped Pence had taken the picture. Riku's face had gone slack, and his eyes were the size of golf balls. Immature or not, it'd be enough to give him a few laughs for a week or so. He grinned to himself. _'Mission accomplished.'_

Riku suddenly moved, his hands outstretching towards him, and Sora couldn't help but take a step back. Oh God. He hadn't counted on the upperclassman freaking over the prank. God, he should have thought this out further, he should have-

"I'm sorry!" he shouted, shoulders raising in an instinctive effort to shield himself, taking a step backward and wondering if it'd be bad sportsmanship to land a punch before the older man had a chance to do the same. "I didn't mean it! Just forget I said anything!"

And then Riku's hands slid around his shoulders, clutching Sora to his body. "I won't forget it," he whispered fervently, burying his nose in the brown hair. "I already heard it."

Every muscle in Sora's body froze. "N-narumi?" he asked, voice quavering. "What are you doing?"

"Shh," Riku said quietly. "Don't worry. I like you, too."

" _ **Fuck!"**_ Roxas screamed. "What does that bastard think he's _doing?!"_ He grabbed his books and headed towards the pair, but Kairi's hand snaked out to grip his arm.

"Stop!" she shouted. "Wait! We don't know what's happening, we have to wait!"

"Pence!" Hayner shrieked. **"** _ **Snap the fucking picture!"**_

Pence snapped the picture.

Sora went limp. "Wh...what?" he whispered. "That was a...a joke, right? You don't..."

Riku drew back, and his turquoise eyes were fever-bright in his flushed face. "Come on," he suddenly said. "Let's go." He grabbed Sora's wrist and began tugging, pulling him down the sidewalk. The motion was just enough for Sora to find his voice again.

"W-wait! What the hell are you doing? Where are we going?"

Riku laughed, but the sound was more of a strangled bark than anything else, as if his own vocal chords had tightened the way Sora's had. "Home," he answered. "We're going home. Please. Just..."

Sora shook his head. What was going on? Riku was dragging him, pulling him down the walkway, around students, up stairs and past lawns and _what the hell, what the bloody flying_ _ **fuck**_ _was going on?_ He could dimly hear Roxas yelling somewhere, but the noise wouldn't register. Oh, God. This wasn't a...it wasn't a lie.

The last two minutes had blurred inside his head until he couldn't tell what was real and what was a horrible, cruel nightmare. Something had happened, right? He'd been speaking to Kairi, to Roxas and Hayner and Tidus and the rest, and then he'd wanted to yell at Riku…and he'd found the taller boy, said something…had falsely confessed…but what then? What was going on? Why was Riku dragging him away, he couldn't have heard the upperclassman properly…

" _I like you, too."_

Sora shuddered, shaking his head violently. No. That was wrong. It was a lie. He felt like throwing up and squeezed his eyes shut against the nausea. This was all _wrong._ Why was he even following him?

He opened his mouth to shout, straightened his legs to dig his feet into the ground-

 _-turquoise eyes fever-bright in his flushed face-_

" _I like you, too."_

 _Too._

He stumbled, and the older boy righted him almost immediately. Sora closed his eyes and let himself be led, mind a heaving kaleidescope, stomach churning painfully.

' _It was a joke,'_ he would say. _'I'm sorry, it was just a joke. I didn't mean to...I didn't know...'_

And then those green eyes would stare at him, wide and unblinking, and they would cloud over, and he couldn't, he couldn't.

Riku finally came to a halt, pulling Sora up a set of steps. "This is it," he said, voice shaking. "My dorm, I mean."

Sora shook his head, still dazed. No. This just...it was just some kind of dream, some horrible nightmare, yeah? This _wasn't_ _ **happening**_ , this couldn't be happening, and any minute now Roxas would be shaking him awake, and Zexion would be standing over him, frowning in irritation and telling him never to fall asleep in class again, his voice stern and disapproving and arrogant.

Riku drew a wallet shakily out of his pocket and pulled out a keycard, inserting it into the slot along the side of the wall. Sora dimly noticed that it took him a few tries; Riku's hands were trembling worse than his voice was.

"Come in," Riku said, but it was more of a statement than a request. He was already drawing the shorter boy inside, past the kitchens, down a hallway, climbing a set of stairs.

' _Any minute now,'_ Sora thought agitatedly. ' _I'll wake up any minute now.'_

Riku's grip on Sora's wrist tightened, and he fumbled a door open. "This is my room," he almost gasped, pulling the brunet inside.

' _Just you wait, any minute now…'_

And then Riku's grip shifted downward, and he twined his fingers through Sora's, pushing him forward and depositing him on the large bed nestled in the farthest corner of the room. An involuntary gasp wrung itself form Sora's throat, but the sound disappeared in the creaking of the bedsprings. He tried to sit up but Riku was there, straddling his legs and gazing fervently - feverishly - into the blue eyes of the boy lying beneath him.

' _Oh God, why won't I wake up?!'_

"What the fuck are you doing?" he gasped, trying to sit up. The older boy stared down at him, the muscles in his jaw working furiously. He opened his mouth to speak. Closed it. Tried again.

"Do you think we should follow the normal procedure first?" Riku asked, green eyes almost unnaturally bright.

Sora shook his head wildly, flexing his legs to try and regain some feeling in them. "What are you…normal procedure?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"

Riku shrugged nonchalantly, but the movement was belied by the way his entire body was stretched taut. "You know," he responded. "Dinner, parks, movies, talking on the phone…that sort of thing. Dating."

Sora surged upward, pushing against Riku's chest. "No!" he shouted. "We don't need to do any of that stuff! This is just-"

His eyes widened, and his mouth clamped shut almost of its own volition. Sora whined deep in his chest and brought his hands up to clutch his throat. Oh, _God._ He couldn't say it. But he _had_ to. This was just a joke, this was just a mean, cruel prank to tease him. He _had_ to say something.

' _I lied. I hurt you. I didn't know. I didn't mean to. Please don't look at me like that. Why won't I wake up? I need to do something, I need to…'_

Riku smiled, and the expression morphed his face into something serenely beautiful. "Good," he murmured. And then his lips descended onto Sora's, and the younger boy forgot how to think.

The lips above his were warm, insistent, pressing down on his own, massaging and caressing and _Oh God, this isn't good, this isn't good, this is so not good…_ And though he should have been expecting it, - though he should have _known_ \- when Riku's tongue traced along the part of Sora's lips he gasped in shock, and the older boy took full advantage of the opening to slip the wet muscle inside.

Riku's tongue slid against Sora's own with an almost frightening intensity, wrapping and stroking, and if Sora moaned he'd never be able to remember it later. What he _would_ remember were the tears brimming in his eyes and the feeling of not-quite nausea squeezing his stomach like a vice.

Riku pulled back slightly, his eyes staring down at Sora as if he'd never seen anything so magnificent. "Good," he repeated, breath coming in great gasps. "I agree. We'll have…we'll have plenty of time…we'll have _forever_ for those things later."

Sora blinked, trying to clear his thoughts, "L-later?" he asked. "What…what are you-"

Riku's face suddenly swam out of focus, once again lowering, and Sora broke. "Stop!" he shouted angrily, pressing against the other boy's shoulders. "Narumi! Hold on a minute, you've got to sto-"

"Sora, please. Call me Riku," he mouthed against Sora's neck. "I want you to call out my first name, Sora," he whispered.

"How to address you is _not_ the issue right now!" the brunet almost shrieked, pushing against Riku wildly. "You bastard! You're going too fast, God _dammit!_ "

The white-haired boy sat up immediately, blinking down at him, face turning slightly to the side as if he meant to shake it but forgot to follow through with the motion. "I…" He took a gasping breath, lifting a hand then dropping it. His face lowered once more, slowly, and Sora couldn't think, he couldn't think. "It's because I've resisted for so long," he whispered. He flicked experimentally at the younger boy's neck with his tongue, then licked a wet path up and down, latching onto it, sucking once before backing away slightly. "So long…almost two years, since the first day…first day I saw you, your first day of school…the first day I ever saw you…"

Sora closed his eyes, his arms falling to his sides and his head spinning. This couldn't have gone so wrong so quickly. He just had to think…had to explain. Couldn't think, couldn't explain.

Riku took the flesh of Sora's neck between his lips, sucking hard. Sora shuddered, and the movement was all the encouragement Riku needed. His hands suddenly left the sides of the younger boy's face and began wandering, one slipping under Sora's shirt, running over the soft flesh, tugging the cloth up and around Sora's underarms. The other began working on jean buttons.

"So very long," Riku whispered. The hand snaked into his pants, wrapping around the flesh it found there. Sora arched off the bed.

"Stop it!" he sobbed frantically, pushing vainly against Riku's chest. He needed an answer, he needed…something, anything. "Dammit…stop it. Just…stop it."

Riku's mouth on his neck froze its ministrations and he sat up, but the hand continued moving, stroking up, down, slowing its pace but never stopping, and Sora sobbed, leaning into the movement even as tears slid down his cheeks.

"D-don't cry," Riku whispered shakily, his voice almost breaking. "If you don't want to…I'll let go, if you don't want…I'll go away, just…say something, huh?"

Sora said nothing. Later, when Riku's face buried itself between his legs and the small boy's groans filled the air, he'd wonder why. When Riku stopped and slipped one, two, three fingers inside, he'd toss his head back and wonder why. And when Riku grabbed the boy's thighs and bent them, draping the limbs over his own shoulders and sliding slowly into the younger boy's quivering body, Sora would wonder why. He'd repeat the words inside his mind time and again, and scream internally at the voice sobbing and crying out into the warm air.

His own voice, cracking and breaking as moan after moan was drawn from him.

' _Because I really don't like_ _ **you**_ _.'_

"I love you," Riku sobbed hoarsely, clutching Sora's head to his chest even as he continued moving inside him. "I love you so much."

How had it turned out liked this? This wasn't the right thing to do. This wasn't…it wasn't…

Riku hit _something_ deep inside him and Sora shrieked, hips jerking involuntarily and head falling back to reveal a milky white throat. The older boy moaned and buried his face there, his hands seeking out Sora's own and finding them, clasping and clenching and wrapping pale fingers around smaller, tanner ones and never letting go.

"I love you. Sora. _Sora_. I love you."

Sora said nothing.

* * *

 **Author's End Notes** : Firstly, the title is all thanks to **The Writer You Fools;** she suggested it, and I thought it was gorgeous. And the chapter titles are all lyrics to the chapter's theme song. That's right; my chapters have theme songs. Chapter One of _Advanced Theory_ was written while listening to Kawabe Chieco's _Sakura Kiss,_ also known as the _Ouran High School Host Club_ opening song. It's the cutest, most catchy, most sugary, most feel-good thing, like, EVER. Though, in retrospect, it's a bit too happy for this particular chapter…Just a tad. / _rolls eyes/_

 **Dual, singing karaoke: R is for the way you look at me! E is for the only one I see! V is very very extraordinary! I is even more than anyone that you adore can…**

 **Err. Nope. Doesn't fit. But you should review anyway! Or Riku will…err…I dunno. Lose Sora to Kairi, or something.**


	2. A Dreamlike Merry Go Round

**Disclaimer** : Do I _look_ like the type of person who'd betray my best friend, join some evil witch sorceress, and run away from him for the course of an entire sequel?! No. Which is why, Sora, you'd be better off with _me._

 **Author's Notes** : And here we go with part 2 of Advanced Theory! Meh. I'm a bit shocked at how passionate all the responses were, and I'm really glad that so many of you enjoyed it! I knew while writing this that it was gonna garner mixed responses - the subject matter is iffy, after all. I'm just shocked that I had so many people review positively! And one more **important** note: I wrote this before I posted, but the way I originally split up the chapters was very awkward: the first was a medium length, the second was _huge_ , and the third was _horribly_ short. So when I looked it over last night, I decided it would be best to divvy it up a bit better. So, instead of 3 chapters, it's gonna turn out to be five. Yeah. Dual just killed herself in shock.

 **Warnings:** Somewhat **dubious consent** ; more so in the **first** chapter than the others.

As always, this is for **The Writer You Fools** whose reviews make me gasp in joy, and whose writing brightens my day!

* * *

 **Chapter Two: A Dreamlike Merry-Go-Round**

The room was bright.

The last hour had been one tribulation after misunderstanding after catastrophe after another, but _this_ unnerved Sora the most. The sun had barely fallen past its apex, and its rays lit the room even as they made it uncomfortably warm. In all his life, Sora had never imagined it would be like this. He'd thought about it - he was a growing teenage male, after all, and pure innocence will only last for so long - but he'd never _once_ imagined it would be like this.

Lying sprawled across the bed, warmth dripping down his thighs and onto the comforter lying beneath him, his head pounding, his stomach heaving, Riku's body hovering above his own-

And the sun lighting the room. It was almost summer, it was an hour past midday, and the sun was lighting the room.

Sora let his head drop to the side, staring with wide eyes at the cream-colored wall. Why did the air feel heavy? It seemed like the moisture in the atmosphere was pressing down upon his body, beading on his skin and rolling down the curves of his body - similar to the way their combined fluids were sliding down his stomach, legs, everywhere-

' _Oh God. What have I done?'_

The nausea hit him then, suddenly and violently, and Sora tried to sit up because he was sure that the contents of his stomach - _not that I had the chance to eat anything, I wonder what the guys are thinking right now?_ \- were about to force their way out of his body by way of mouth.

"Sora?" Riku began quietly. "You shouldn't get up. You might be a little sore."

And - just as abruptly as it had commenced - the nausea quieted, settling in the pit of his abdomen discontentedly. Sora shifted, turning his gaze to meet Riku's. The older boy was still poised above him, holding his weight on quivering arms and legs. Their faces were close enough so that the white strands of Riku's hair tickled his face, brushing along his nose. Sora twisted his head, trying to remove himself from the delicate caress. Riku laughed, tossing his hair over his shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked, lowering himself until his nose was nudging Sora's neck. "Are you sore?"

Sora tried to take a deep breath, but the air stuck in his throat. He felt…different. Numb. Like something was bubbling below the surface, just waiting to erupt, but the feeling was elusive and he couldn't keep a proper hold on it. "I…" he began, wincing when his vocal chords tightened and protested their use. "I don't know."

Riku leaned back and smiled, the expression inexplicably softening the sharp planes of his face. He dropped a single kiss to Sora's lips, too quick to really feel, and rolled to the side and off the bed. "Just wait here," he murmured, brushing Sora's damp bangs out of his eyes. "I'll be right back."

Sora didn't turn to stare after him. He didn't much feel like moving at all - the air was too heavy, too hot and humid and the scent of it made his stomach curl uncomfortably. He took a deep, shuddering breath and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

' _What have I done? Why…why would I…_ _ **why**_ _did I…God above,_ _ **why?**_ _"_

And already his thoughts were congealing, slipping against one another in a cruel cacophony. ' _You know why_ ,' his own voice cruelly mocked, echoing within his head. ' _It felt good, didn't it? You're always the friend, always the brother, never the lover. It felt good, having someone's hands on you, someone's head between your legs.'_

"Stop it," Sora whispered. "I hate him."

' _And that makes it even_ _ **better**_ _, doesn't it? Sora, innocent little Sora just handed over his virginity to a guy he hated. Tramp. You wanted it so much you were willing to take it from_ _ **Riku**_ _. A_ _ **guy**_ _. Darling little slut. You slept with someone you hated. Now, what does that say about your character?'_

Sora lifted his hands to cover his eyes, listening to the blood rushing in his ears, trying desperately to drown out the malicious voice reverberating inside his head.

' _You moaned liked a whore. Twisted and writhed and arched under his hands. I wonder how many synonyms there are for 'dirty slut.''_

"I'm not a slut," he murmured. "I didn't know what was happening. It was too fast. I don't…I'm not…"

' _Slut.'_

"I'm not. How was I supposed to say no? If he loves me…"

' _He doesn't love you. You hate him. He hates you. He did this to hurt you. He fed you lies and you ate them up, whore, whore, filthy_ _ **whore.**_ '

"I'm not a whore," Sora whispered.

"Sora?"

Sora's head snapped to the side. Riku was standing there, a towel wrapped around his waist and another clutched in his hand. He was standing there, eyes wide and hurt and confused. He took a step forward and sat down on the bed, outstretching his hand to smooth the brunet hair back. Sora flinched and Riku paused, drawing his hand back slowly.

"Sora," he began softly. "What did you just say?"

The younger boy slid his gaze to the side. How was he supposed to answer? This was all wrong, and as soon as he left, as soon as he removed himself from Riku's presence the panic was going to sink in and he'd start screaming and screaming and never stop.

"Sora," Riku murmured. "Do…do you really think that? Just…because we…just because we slept together?" When no answer was forthcoming he swung his legs onto the bed and slipped under the sheets, wrapping his arms around the smaller body and pulling the boy closer. Sora moaned deep in his throat, and Riku buried his face in the messy hair, breathing in deeply.

"You're _not_ ," he whispered. "I love you…I love you so much. And if you…you said that you felt the same…it's not dirty if we love each other. It's not. Please tell me you don't think so."

Sora squeezed his eyes shut and curled in tighter. God. Every part of his body hurt, and the bed was a mess, and…he didn't know. He just wanted to leave, to get up and leave and never come back.

"Can you let go?" he whispered, inexplicably proud of himself when his voice didn't quaver. "I want to sit up."

Riku automatically rolled away, and Sora clenched his fists, thrusting his hands back to lever himself off the bed. He took a deep breath and clenched his abdomen, placing weight on his arms and -

He bit down on the cry that tried to rip its way through his abused throat but couldn't help the gasp that escaped. A sharp bolt of pain ripped its way up his spine, his insides tightening and _tearing_. He flopped back down and closed his eyes, involuntary tears trapping themselves in his lashes.

"Sora?" Riku gasped leaning over the boy worriedly. "Are you okay? Does it hurt that much? I tried to be careful, I tried to go slow, I really did - I didn't mean to hurt you, I promise. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"I'm fine," Sora whispered. "I should have expected it. It's supposed to hurt the first time, right?"

There was silence, and Sora opened his eyes. Riku was staring at him, his eyes impossibly wide in his face and his mouth gaping open. Sora frowned, the feeling of surrealism increasing.

"What?" he muttered. "Don't stare like that."

"You were a virgin?" Riku asked, mouthing the words slowly as if he was trying to digest them. And suddenly the terror and horror still swirling in Sora's chest mounted in a crescendo, morphing into anger.

"What the _hell_ did you think?" Sora hissed, pushing himself off the bed, ignoring the screaming pain ripping through him. "I'm not a _whore_ , I've _never_ done this before, who the hell do you think you are?"

Riku smiled then, wrapping his arms around Sora and squeezing tightly. "You gave me your first time," he said, the comment more of a statement than a question. "I…I don't know how to thank you. Nobody's ever…no one's _ever_ …given me a gift like this. Thank you."

And Sora quieted, slumping into Riku's arms even as he made no move to return the embrace. He didn't know what to feel…there was anger, shock and fear and disgust churning underneath it all…but the feelings were muted, disassociated from himself. It was strange, almost scary, because Sora had _never_ felt this numb. Slowly, oh so slowly, he lifted his arms and placed them on Riku's shoulders. Not a hug, but…

"I love you." Riku sighed, pressing soft kisses to Sora's forehead.

And that was it, wasn't it? This was Sora's fault. He'd wanted to play a stupid prank, to knock Riku off his high horse-

"With all my heart," the older boy continued, pulling back and smiling softly, running his fingers through the messy brunet hair.

-A joke that had turned more malicious than he'd ever imagined. He'd never meant for it to be like this. How… _what_ …if Riku really loved him, then Sora had just become the worst person on Earth. He had dug himself into a hole of his own creation, and he could think of no conceivable way to escape. The truth was crueler than any lie could ever hope to be, and Sora was many things - _Stupid, I'm so stupid -_ but he wasn't cruel. Not purposefully, never purposefully.

"Come on," Riku murmured, drawing the lobe of Sora's ear between his teeth and nibbling at it softly. "I drew a bath. Let's get you cleaned up."

Sora's eyes widened and he dropped his hands. "No," he said, shaking his head fervently. "No. I…I'm _not_ going to bathe with…I _can't_ …"

"Why not?" Riku asked, managing a smile that was all too hesitant. "We're both a mess, and we should get cleaned up, and…it's not like I haven't seen you. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You're beautiful."

Sora closed his eyes. God. Every word Riku spoke was drilling a hole into his brain. He had never known guilt could hurt so much - it felt like there were little demons chewing away at his heart and gut, giggling madly.

"And…" Riku continued, letting his gaze drift to a spot above Sora's shoulder. "I…I always dreamed of it. Not before I met you- I always thought that shower-play was weird. Too personal. But after _you_ …I used to daydream about it…being with you, taking care of you afterwards. I know that I shouldn't, I don't even _deserve_ to ask, but…"

The guilt-demons were one step away from devouring Sora's lower intestine. There was just nothing he could _do_ …and in that moment he'd never hated anyone more than he hated himself. In the end, all he could do to prevent more pain was to go along with this charade. Sooner or later Riku would tire of him, and then everything would be fine.

"Okay," he acquiesced quietly.

Sooner or later…it would all be okay again.

Riku's face broke into a smile that almost hurt Sora to see - he'd _never_ seen happiness so complete, so utterly bright. "Okay," Riku grinned. "Alright. Let me just…here, hold out your arms. I'll carry you."

"Of course not!" Sora yelled, recoiling. "I'm not a girl!"

"But you're _hurt_ ," Riku smirked, dropping one hand to nestle the small of the brunet's back. "And you can barely _sit_ , let alone walk. What kind of guy would I be if I let you limp to the bathroom?"

"One that understands masculine pride," Sora muttered. "Thanks, but I'll crawl."

Riku sighed, smiling fondly. "You're so stubborn," he murmured, grabbing a brown spike of hair and twining it around one of his fingers. Sora bit back the automatic flinch, lowering his eyes. The guilt-demons were gnawing away at his stomach, now. "I'm happy," Riku continued. "You're so strong. At least let me help you. You can lean on me, okay?"

Sora nodded and bit his lip. He eased himself off the bed, dragging the sheets with him and wrapping them around himself as he slowly slid off. The first touch of feet on floor almost undid him - sharp pain shot up the length of his back and he cried out, wobbling and tipping to one side-

-And then Riku was there, grabbing onto his waist and slipping an arm under his arms, hoisting him up onto his tiptoes so that almost no weight was placed on Sora's feet. "Come on," he laughed, lifting the younger boy higher. "Let's go. It's just a few steps to the bathroom - the joys of a single, huh?"

Sora flushed, lowering his face until his chin touched his chest. "I can walk," he mumbled. Riku smiled and gripped the younger boy's waist a bit tighter.

"I know you can," he smiled. "But it would hurt you, and I don't ever want to hurt you." He nudged the door to the restroom open with a foot and helped Sora in.

"Sorry," Riku said, almost embarrassedly. "I wanted to clean the place up a bit…maybe add some candles or music…but I figured your 'masculine pride' might be offended. You're _not_ a girl," he added, the corner of his mouth quirking. "I never thought you acted like one. You're the most masculine guy I know."

"Now you're just teasing me," Sora muttered. Strange…how easy it was to fall into a quasi-comfortable banter with someone he'd hated for years. But there was nothing that could be done - Sora had tried to tease the upperclassman, and in doing so had been handed a heart. In return, however, he'd given his _soul_ up - the truth was cruel, and while it would unquestionably set Sora free…

"I am," Riku grinned. "But that's only because I love you. Now, come here. I'll help you step into the tub."

And just like that, the feeling of not-quite-comfort evaporated, leaving Sora shivering in a strange bathroom wrapped in nothing but a bed sheet. He shook his head, suddenly more opposed to the idea than he'd thought possible.

Riku smiled almost sadly and extended a hand towards Sora. "If you really don't want to," he murmured, "Then that's okay. I can step out of the room. I've waited for two years…never thinking that this much was even _possible_ …if you're really this uncomfortable, then I'll leave."

Guilt-demons nibbling on his esophagus now. He shook his head slowly, never once raising his eyes from the floor, and shifted his weight to his right foot, lifting the left up and over the side of the tub. Riku smiled and tightened his grip on Sora's hand, helping him over the ledge.

Sora flushed. He was standing knee-high in warm water, the fringes of Riku's bed sheet kissing the water and dampening. And Riku was just _staring._

Riku swallowed, his face uncharacteristically red. "You'll have to take off the blanket. It'll get wet. If you don't feel comfortable with me looking at you…"

Sora shrugged, his blush traveling down his neck. He turned his gaze to the water and unwrapped the bed sheet from around his shoulders, thrusting it towards Riku. Without pausing to gauge the upperclassman's reaction, he lowered himself into the water.

"Mmm," he murmured quietly, his head falling back to rest along the edge of the tub. The water was almost uncomfortably hot but it felt _so_ good, and the muscles in his back were relaxing. Almost despite himself, his legs eased open, trying to sink themselves farther into the warm water.

A soft sound from above startled him out of his near-trance and he jerked his head up to stare at Riku. The tall boy's hands were tightened, his jaw was clenched in a way that was surely painful, and his eyes were traveling the length of the brunet's body, an almost physical caress that had Sora shivering uncomfortably.

"Can…" Riku wet his lips, raising his eyes to meet Sora's. "Can I come in, please?"

Guilt. Fear. Guiltguilt _guilt_ seeping through every pore of his body and into the warm water around him, cooling the liquid impossibly. ' _Oh my God,'_ he suddenly thought, his insides spasming with the epiphany that had just rocked through him. ' _He owns me. I have his heart in my hands, but_ _ **he**_ _owns_ _ **me.**_ _I could deny him - I really could - and he wouldn't argue. But it would hurt him. I…was so cruel. How could I have ever thought that playing with someone's feelings would be funny? I have no_ _ **right**_ _to deny him.'_

"Okay," he whispered. "You can come in."

Riku smiled and stepped out of the towel wrapped around his waist. The smile morphed into a smirk when Sora's flush deepened, but his green eyes were as fond as ever. He climbed over the side and slid down into the water. The tub was too small to fit both, and their legs tangled uncomfortably. Neither quite noticed, each a bit too preoccupied with other thoughts to pay much attention to their limbs knocking against each other.

"Sora?" Riku finally murmured. "If you want, you can lean your back against my chest. It would be easier to help you clean off."

The brunet's eyes widened for a moment before they narrowed indignantly. "You're _not_ washing me," he hissed, grabbing the soap and pulling it to his chest. "I let you walk me here, I _won't_ let you treat me like a child."

"You're not a child," Riku agreed, but said nothing else. The silence that followed was too empty to be awkward and Sora closed his eyes against it, scrubbing at his skin until it glowed pink. It was quiet, and he didn't know whether that was a blessing or a curse. His stomach felt as if it was trying to eat itself, though the pain was duller than he'd have ever thought.

"Sora?" Riku suddenly asked, voice warm. The younger boy opened his eyes curiously. There was Riku, leaning over him, eyes hungry and _too close_. Sora froze. ' _No,'_ he moaned internally, the thought black and despairing. ' _No, I can't do this, not so soon. Everything hurts, my head hurts, my heart can't take this.'_

Soft lips descended on his own, pressing lightly, drawing his bottom lip between white teeth and pulling. The mouth moved horizontally, ghosting kisses along his cheek, earlobe, down his neck, collar, chest and-

"Stop."

Riku pulled away, staring up at him in confusion. "You…you don't want me to-?"

Sora closed his eyes and shook his head. Riku frowned. "You don't have to worry," he said, biting his lip worriedly. "I know you're not ready for _that_ yet. You're still healing. I could just…"

"No," Sora breathed. Strange. The word seemed so much simpler to say now, and the large weight pressing down on his forehead seemed to alleviate slightly. "Please. If…if I ever ask you to stop, could you please stop?"

Riku's eyes snapped up to meet his as if shocked. His mouth gaped open suddenly and he floundered in the water. "Of course!" he almost gasped. "Sora…you don't have to ask, you shouldn't even _think_ -"

"Will you stop the first time I ask?" Sora said, eyes narrowing. "Before…I asked, and you didn't…and I _let_ you, but…from now, if I ask you to stop, please. Please just stop."

Riku's eyes widened and suddenly _everything_ Sora was feeling - the confusion and fear and horrible, omnipresent _guilt -_ was present on the older boy's face.

"I…I'm sorry," he whispered, staring at the brunet in horror. "I…I didn't _think_ …I didn't realize, I'm so sor-"

"It's okay," Sora sighed, closing his eyes. "It was my fault." _'Oh, but you have no idea how much was my fault.'_

"No!" Riku cried, grabbing Sora's face between his hands and leaning forward. "No, it _wasn't_ your fault! You asked me to stop, and I didn't realize, I knew you were nervous but I thought I could coax you out of it, I didn't know you were a virgin, I didn't think you'd be so scared. You…you told me to stop, and I-"

"Riku." Sora frowned. "Stop."

The older boy bit his lip, but said nothing more, and Sora felt a whisper of pride brush against his mind. "Can you help me up?" he asked. "I think we're clean."

Riku clambered to his feet and held a hand out for Sora to grasp, pulling the smaller boy to his feet. Sora said nothing, even as the other boy began toweling him dry, wiping the cloth more carefully than Sora could have ever expected from the normally abrasive boy.

"I'll lend you some of my clothes," Riku said, his voice once more light and oddly content. "It'll be a bit big on you, but it'll do until we find something that fits better."

"It's fine," Sora mumbled, wrapping the proffered towel around his waist. He shrugged off Riku's hand and walked slowly out of the restroom and to the large bed, Riku hovering over him. "Thank you."

Riku's smile widened, transforming his face into something supremely beautiful. "Don't worry about it," he said softly. "It makes me happy." He walked to the small wooden dresser and pulled out a large dress shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms. "Here. I didn't think you'd want my boxers. I'll step outside if it makes you more comfortable, okay?"

Sora nodded slowly, the little guilt-demons once again stabbing away at him. Riku smiled gently and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him in order to offer the younger boy a small measure of privacy.

Sora sighed and held the clothes in front of him, examining them quietly. They were big, much too large to fit his skinnier frame, but he didn't have much of a choice. His old clothes had been thrown somewhere under the bed, and he didn't want to bend down to pick them up; he was already hurting enough, thank you very much.

He slid into the articles of clothing slowly, stretching his cramped muscles as he did so and busying himself with the buttons. As long as he was moving he wouldn't have to think. He'd think later, when he was at home and all of this was a vague memory.

"I'm dressed," he called, sitting down on the bed. "You can come in now."

Riku exited the bathroom immediately, smiling broadly at the small brunet. "It's a good look on you," he laughed fondly. "I've never seen anyone pull off the whole 'my clothes are fifteen sizes too big' thing as well as you do."

Sora flushed angrily. "Shut up," he muttered. "Not everyone can be a _leviathan_ like you are."

Riku smiled fondly and lifted a hand to Sora's cheek, brushing it once before stepping back. "I like you this way," he said softly. "Now, go to sleep. If you want to heal quickly you'll need plenty of sleep."

Sora thought of arguing, but the thought disappeared almost as soon as it had surfaced. Sleep would be good. He wouldn't have to think if he was asleep, he wouldn't feel this _horrible._ He nodded quietly and kicked the soiled comforter to the floor, curling up under the remaining bed sheet. He would sleep, and maybe when he woke up this would all be a bad dream.

And then the pounding started.

Riku and Sora both jerked their heads to the door. Someone was all but attacking the entrance, swearing and cursing at the top of their lungs. Sora didn't even need to listen to the voice to recognize who it was. He moaned in anguish and brought his knees up to rest against his chest.

"Riku! Open the door! Where's Sora?!"

"It's Roxas," Sora whispered against the pillow. Riku snorted and ruffled Sora's messy head of hair, even as he frowned at the door.

"I sort of figured," he muttered. He tore his gaze away from the entrance and looked down at the brunet, smiling softly. "Just stay in bed," he sighed, twirling a spike of hair between two fingers. "I'll talk to him. Don't worry, just go to sleep."

"Riku, you piece of shit! Open the fucking door!"

The pounding was rougher now, and Riku stood up, walking towards the door. Sora slid further under the comforter. Oh _God._ If Roxas was here…

A secret part of his heart jumped in elation. If Roxas could help him, if he could just whisk him away, Sora would be safe. He'd never have to look at Riku again, he'd never have to think about him again. Never have to wonder about how Riku would feel. If he would be hurt.

That small, still part in the darkest depths of his heart curled in on itself, and Sora closed his eyes. No. It wasn't an option. He could _never_ be that malicious, could _never_ leave someone to wallow in misery while he walked away. Injustice….it would be the cruelest injustice, and Sora saw no way he could live with himself if he went through with it.

He could hear the door swinging on its hinges and Riku exiting, closing the door behind him. If he listened closely, he could faintly make out a few different set of voices, but they were masked by his brother's curses.

"Riku! What the hell did you do? Where's Sora?"

Sora could almost picture Riku grinding his teeth in irritation. "He's here, of course," the upperclassman growled. "Where did you _think_ I would take him?"

"How were we supposed to know?" a feminine, startlingly furious voice demanded. "You drag Sora away and lead him to your _dorm_. We _can't enter dorms other than our own unless someone lets us in!_ We had to wait outside for half an hour before some girl took pity and opened the door for us!"

Kairi? Was Kairi here, also? He should have known, she was his closest friend, of _course_ she'd follow.

"Do you know what it was like?" a separate voice yelled. "You all but _kidnap_ one of our best friends and we don't know what you're doing, and we can do _nothing_ to stop it because we're locked out and worried and you _spineless_ son of a _bitch_ -"

"I'm sorry."

There was silence for a moment and Sora sat up, reeling. An apology? If Riku was actually apologizing…he pushed himself up and eased his legs off the bed. It didn't hurt that much, really - he could make it to the hallway without Riku's help.

"It wasn't my intention to make you worry," Riku said, his voice growing clearer as Sora made his way to the front door. "I wasn't thinking properly."

"You think?" Roxas shouted. "God _dammit_ , you jerk! How did it _occur_ to you that-"

Sora opened the door, and all conversation froze.

"Sora?" Riku began, his brows furrowing worriedly. "You shouldn't be walking. Don't worry, it'll be okay-"

"Sora!" Roxas shouted, rushing over to him and grabbing him by the shoulders. "Are you alright? Is anything wrong? Are you hurt?"

Sora sighed and hid his wince. _Everyone_ was here, the entire group, and their voices were drilling into the pit of his stomach.

"Can we talk inside?" he asked quietly, scuffing his shoe against the tiles. "And not everyone should come," he added, halting the sudden movement. "Just…just Roxas. And Kairi, too. The room isn't that big."

Tidus and Hayner both growled and opened their mouths to protest, but glares in triplicate from Roxas, Riku, and Sora forestalled any dissention. The four students stepped inside the dorm room. The door closed behind him.

Almost immediately both Kairi and Roxas turned to Sora, grabbing him by the arms and questioning him violently.

"What happened?"

"Are you hurt?"

"What did he do?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Fucking _bastard_ , I'll kill-"

Sora huffed and closed his eyes. "Guys," he muttered. "Shut up. Please."

Kairi bit her lip and glanced at Roxas, before speaking slowly. "Sora. What exactly happened when you left us?"

Sora flinched and turned his gaze to the floor. "Nothing really. I…I told him. Riku…he accepted. It's as simple as-"

"I want to date him."

All heads turned towards Riku, mouths agape. "What?" Sora asked. He didn't know what he'd expected. Maybe more days such as this one, Sora finding himself in a strange bed and acquiescing to Riku's every wish- but an actual relationship had never occurred to him.

Riku turned to stare sharply at Sora and sat down on the bed, his face serious. "I thought I made that perfectly clear to you. I…I don't want a one night stand. I want an actual relationship, and if I have to ask your friends for permission in order to keep everyone happy, I'll do it."

The last sentence never reached any of his companions. Sora's eyes widened in horror and he shook his head slowly. Oh God. They knew now. They _knew._

"No," Kairi breathed, a hand raising to rest on her forehead, trying to forestall the pounding. "You didn't. Riku, you _didn't_."

"Kairi, stop it," Sora barked, taking a small step forward. "It's not important, don't push-"

"You did, didn't you?" Roxas whispered, directing the statement at Riku. "You fucked him."

Riku leapt to his feet suddenly, fisting one hand angrily. "I didn't _fuck_ him," he shouted. "That's something you do on the weekends when you're horny and you want a release. I would _never_ -"

"So, what then?!" Roxas shrieked hysterically, his voice echoing across the cream walls. "You ' _made love'_ to him?! You goddamn fucking _idiot_ , Sora does _not-_ "

"Roxas!" Sora shouted desperately. "Stop it!"

"I wont stop it," the blond roared. "This son of a bitch took advantage of you, mind-fucked you, _raped_ -"

"He didn't rape me," Sora interrupted, his voice quiet and trembling. "I let it happen."

Roxas froze. He blinked once, began to shake his head, and aborted the movement half-way. "W-what?" he breathed. "You…you _let_ him?"

"Yes," Sora whispered. "Please don't be mad. But I let him. I wanted to, and…I…" he shook his head to clear it. ' _Please understand, please don't question it, don't be mad, forgive me…I'll explain later, just please…please just forgive me.'_

Roxas turned to Riku, his entire body shaking like a leaf. "What…what do you want?" he asked quietly. "I've always known that you liked him. I just don't understand what you want out of this."

Riku frowned and buried a hand in his hair, tugging at the strands lightly. "Is it that hard to comprehend?" he asked. "You say that you've always known; you should _know_ how much I care. I want a relationship."

Roxas's eyes turned ice shards. "No," he said, a striking note of finality in the word. "After all of this - you took my brother to bed within minutes of his confession. How do you expect me to believe that you care, that he isn't more to you than just a toy?"

"Roxas, _shut up_ ," Sora growled. " _Please._ You're not helping, let me just talk to you and explain-"

" _Do you want me on my knees?"_ Riku suddenly hissed, clenching his fists and pounding them on his thighs. "Because I'll do it. I'll get on my knees and beg, if that's what you're after. Because I _love_ him, and if that means degrading myself for your permission, then I'll do it."

Roxas stepped backwards, one hand clutching at his throat. His face was contorted in something too strong to be shock, not quite powerful enough to be rage. "You what?" he whispered, the question formed as a gasp.

Riku's eyes narrowed and he dropped his gaze to the tiles. "I don't have to explain myself to you," he growled. "I don't have to justify my feelings to you. I don't have to proclaim my love for Sora in front of you. The only reason I'm asking is because you're Sora's _brother_ , and he loves you. I can see that obviously enough. And it would hurt him to be with me without your permission. I think it's stupid, but I'll do it. Is that clear enough?"

Roxas face was oddly blank, and as he turned to stare at Sora the brunet realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that Roxas _knew_. The blond had always been the more logical of the pair, and somehow he'd assimilated the information - taken in Riku's confession, absorbed the guilt in Sora's eyes, seen the way his brother refused to let anyone reveal the truth of the matter - and come to the correct conclusion. Sora couldn't quite figure out if he should be grateful.

"You love him," Roxas stated quietly. "You really do."

"Of course," Riku murmured. "You can think whatever you want about me, and maybe you'd be right, but don't _for one moment_ doubt my love for him."

Roxas stared at the upperclassman for a moment. Behind him Kairi was wringing her hands, her eyes never once leaving Sora.

"Okay," Roxas finally said, his quiet voice betraying no emotions. "You have my permission. Blessing. Whatever. Come on, Sora. We should go home."

Riku's eyebrows drew together angrily. "He's staying," the older boy protested, voice struggling for some measure of calm. "He can barely walk, he shouldn't have to move-"

"That's out of the question," Roxas interrupted, his eyes narrowing into slits and teeth baring ferally. "You are _not_ living together. If Sora wants this…if Sora feels that a relationship with you would be _nice_ …then I won't stop you. But he will _not_ spend the night with you. What he does with his life is his decision, but he _will_ defer to my judgment on this."

All eyes turned to Sora. The slim boy dropped his eyes to the floor, but his shoulders were steady and straightened.

"I would feel more comfortable at home," he said evenly. Riku bit his lip and hurt swept across his face fleetingly. Sora winced and almost recanted his words, guilt gnawing away at him bitterly.

' _You're giving him this much,'_ he mentally reassured himself. ' _You'll be no use to anyone if you break, and if you stay here you_ _ **will.**_ _'_

"Alright," Riku said quietly. "If that's what you want, Sora. I'll…I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Sora nodded and turned around slowly. Roxas had a hand outstretched towards him and he reached for it, clasping tightly. His younger brother stared at him quietly before spinning on his heel, opening the door and leading Sora out, Kairi following closely behind.

Immediately, the rest of their group beset them, talking at once and demanding answers. Sora groaned, clutching his head against the noise. Both Kairi and Roxas shot him worried looks before they turned to glance at each other.

"Guys," Roxas interrupted. The group instantly quieted, turning to look at him. "I'm taking Sora home. You'll have to go without your roommate today, Pence. We'll switch - Hayner'll keep you company. Sora's staying with me tonight. Kairi will clarify a bit, okay? Just…just keep quiet for a little while. We'll see you later."

It was only after a few minutes had passed - and once the pair had escaped the indignant cries and demands of their friends - that Roxas spoke.

"You…you have a lot to explain, Sora," he whispered. His voice was trembling, but the hand clutching Sora's own was steady and serenely comforting. "Talk."

Sora did.

… _Tsuzukeru…_

* * *

 **Author's End Notes** : I really hope this chapter cleared up a bit about both Riku and Sora's motivation. I really just view them as kids who have no idea how to get their feelings across - Riku's loved him for so long, always looking but never touching, that when he was finally given some scrap of affection - false though it was - he got carried away. And Sora…he was mostly shocked, but at the same time he was completely overwhelmed by everything - the events, the feelings, Riku's emotions. They both acted stupidly, but I hope at least that I didn't completely mutilate their characters. They're both victims to some extent. The title, by the way, is a line from _Dual!_ the opening theme for **Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure.** I love that song - it's so catchy, upbeat, and the best part is I started liking it _before_ the whole Dual nickname originated, and it was completely separate. Hooray for theme songs.

 **Dual: Okay, guys, here's some SAT preparation for you: DEVIL is to LIVED as WEIVER is to…..**

 **Goin' begging. Press the purple/blue/periwinkle button /** _ **Grumbles**_ **/ Especially if you've got this thing on alert or faves…**


	3. A Wish Carried On The Wind

**Disclaimer:** In a town called Perfect, Dual keeps Sora as a little boy-toy and can cuddle him whenever she wants. Of course, we don't live anywhere near Perfect. That's why there's Walgreens. WTF? Oh, and remember the line I mentioned in chapter one? It's here.

 **Author's Notes:** Oh goodness! You know, it always makes my day when I go to sleep and then wake up with reviews lining my inbox. It's even better when I recognize some of the reviewers as authors I've always admired. And so, because I really have no more to say, but always end up writing author's notes anyway, I'll end this and begin Chapter Three of Advanced Theory!

 **Dedication:** For **The Writer You Fools**. Your reviews and your stories always lighten my day, whether I'm stressing over finals or trying to muster up the gumption to write.

* * *

 **Chapter Three: A Wish Carried On The Wind**

The air had cooled considerably in the last hour. It swept through the trees in an easy breeze, ruffling the leaves and whistling through them. Beneath the canopies, hundreds of students milled around, some clutching their sweaters around them, others shivering in the shorts that had been all-too appropriate a few hours earlier.

Two boys pushed their way past their schoolmates, the cooling temperature as far from their minds as their classes were. They walked past the row of dorms, hopping over a low wall and crossing the street, entering a small neighborhood disconnected from the university.

"You don't owe him anything."

Sora clenched his eyes shut, but made no move to answer. Beside him, the speaker narrowed his eyes and sped his steps.

"I'm serious, Sora," Roxas growled. "You hated Riku, you always have. He never did anything to make him worthy of this. You owe him _nothing._ "

Sora sighed then, opening his eyes and averting them. "I don't think I hate him anymore."

Roxas stumbled and caught himself, his steps slowing slightly. Sora shrugged, the gesture helpless. "I don't like him, either," he muttered. "But how can I hate someone who loves me so much? I'm not that cruel, Roxas."

"You should be," Roxas snarled. "He's worthless. Sora, you don't owe him anything."

"But I do," Sora interrupted. He grabbed a spike of hair and pulled it in distress. "I hurt him. I'm hurting him even now. He'll get tired of me sooner or later, right? Maybe he loves me, but it can't last forever. We're just in college. I just have to wait it out."

Roxas slid to a stop, reaching out to catch Sora's arm. The older boy slid his eyes to the side, but Roxas squeezed, forcing his brother to meet his gaze.

"I won't lie to you, Sora," he whispered. "I'll _never_ lie to you. I don't think Riku will get over it."

"But he _has_ to," Sora cried, "He can't possibly-"

"I've always disliked him, you know that Sora," Roxas said. "He's cruel and indifferent to others, you know that. But even then I knew he loved you. He'd always look at you, and his eyes…if only you could have seen his eyes. Maybe his face was always blank, but his eyes were sad, and desperate, and so longing. I don't think he'll get over this."

Sora bit his lips. His blood was turning to ice, but his stomach was flipping over and over with a strange emotion he couldn't quite recognize. "Just….be quiet, please," he finally said. "Let's just go home and visit Demyx. I'm hungry."

Roxas nodded and they continued walking down the streets, finally reaching a large, pure white two-storied house. They walked down the driveway and the blond pulled out a key chain, inserting one into the lock and turning, pushing the door open.

"Hey, guys," Roxas called, toeing his shoes off at the doorway. "Sora and I are home."

There was silence for a moment, and then a messy blond head appeared at the kitchen entrance. "H'lo! Come in, I'm almost done with dinner. Zexy's here, just pull up a seat and gimme a minute."

Roxas stepped forward, pulling Sora in after him. The brunet paused in the middle of the hallway, took a deep breath, and spun Roxas around to face him.

"Look, Roxas," he whispered, reaching up to grab a blond spike of hair and tug affectionately. "I know you'll only try to help me. But don't let Demyx or Zexion find out. Demyx'll freak and try to pick a fight, and Zexion will freeze over and start threatening everything in creation. Just…let me handle this, okay? I can take care of Riku, and I won't let anything bad happen. Just…please, stay quiet."

Roxas stared at him, his mouth a tight line and his eyes stern, almost angry. He nodded then, just once, and turned back around, continuing towards the kitchen.

"Hey, Demyx," Sora greeted, smiling as brightly as he could. "What's up?"

The blond standing in front of the stove grinned back, waving a spatula around happily. He chuckled. "Not Zexy, that's for sure. Get a load of _him_."

Sora and Roxas turned towards the other figure sitting at the kitchen table and snorted. Zexion was sprawled there, bruises and scrapes covering his face and a bandage wrapped amateurishly around his entire upper body.

"We broke the coffee table," Demyx smirked. "Poor Zexy took the brunt of the injury."

"It's not my fault," Zexion muttered irritably. His face was uncharacteristically red. The color, oddly enough, complemented his light hair. "Demyx just wouldn't stop _bouncing_ -"

"And that's _more_ than enough information," Roxas interrupted hurriedly. "Shit. I remember the days when the two of you refused to even _hint_ about what went on behind closed doors."

Sora laughed, oddly relieved. _This_ was normalcy. _This_ was his life, surrounded by loved ones and warmth permeating the very air. "Screw that," he grinned. "I remember back in the day when _Demyx_ was the shy one. You've turned him into sex-freak, Zexion. Who'da thunk?"

Demyx grinned, his face only slightly red. "Quiet, idiot. Go and sit down at the table. You two haven't come over for dinner in _years._ "

"Hours, you mean," Roxas corrected smugly. "Seeing as how we were here last night."

"Doesn't count," Demyx sniffed airily. "The pair of you come to mooch dinner off me, and then you leave back for your dorm as soon as you're done. I know it's nice having an older brother who lives within walking distance of your college, but _please_. Have a little consideration. You could help out at least."

Zexion suddenly stiffened. "No," he muttered quickly. "I don't think we should allow either of them anywhere near the stove."

"Aww, come one," Sora laughed. "We're not _that_ bad-"

"We only burned the kitchen down _twice_ -"

"And the second time was just a small gas explosion. It _so_ wasn't our fault. If you hadn't left the oil lying on the counter-"

" _Oil_ , Zexion. If you wanted a substitute for lube, you could have used butter. And on the kitchen counter, no less. I shudder to think what you've done on the _table._ "

"-We'd never have tried to use it to put the fire out. _Not_ our fault."

Demyx and Zexion shot each other looks. "Boys," Zexion began slowly. "Neither of you can cook. Trust me. _I'm_ a professor."

Sora and Roxas grinned, twin Cheshire cat smiles splitting their face. "Alright," they both cried simultaneously.

"Sorry, Dem," Roxas smirked. "But no can do: we couldn't _possibly_ help you cook. The professor said so."

Both adults kept wisely quiet after that, Zexion only speaking up once to inform Sora that he'd arranged a meeting the following day with Axel. Silence aside, Sora couldn't remember ever feeling more pleased. Every thought of Riku, of pranks and relationships and unrequited love, were blissfully absent from his mind. It was only when they said their goodbyes and made it back to Roxas's dorm room, turning off the lights and settling in under their separate bed covers, that the upperclassman's face came flooding back to memory.

"Sora?"

The brunet turned on his side, trying to make out his younger brother's face in the darkness. He hmm-ed lightly in question, and a shadowy head propped itself on an open palm, turning to stare at him.

"I don't know what to do," Roxas whispered. "I don't want you to get hurt, but you're killing yourself. None of this is your _fault_ , Sora. If anything, it's mine. You didn't know that Riku loved you. I _did._ You had no idea it would turn out like this."

Sora sighed, outstretching a hand towards Roxas. The blond boy held his hand out, grasping at the air. They were too far away to touch, but the gesture was comforting despite that.

"I know," Sora murmured quietly. "But that doesn't change anything. I can't hurt him, not like this. Love's…it's sacred, you know? What kind of person would I be if I ran away?"

"An ordinary one," Roxas suddenly bit out angrily. "Dammit, Sora. You're allowed to be selfish every now and then. I care about you, and it hurts me to see you doing this. Can't you just be mean, for once in your life?"

Sora muffled a laugh in his pillow, closing his eyes and flipping onto his back. "I _was_ mean, Roxas. And I'm paying for it, I guess. Don't worry about me, okay? I'll be fine."

Roxas sighed and rolled over, back facing Sora. "I hope so, Sora. I…I _know_ so. You just watch. Everything will work out okay."

Sora smiled, though the expression remained unseen. "Good night," he said.

It was a long while before either of them fell asleep.

The sun shone through the bright yellow curtains, filtering through the soft fabric and giving the room a hazy glow. Inside, Sora rolled over lethargically in bed, moaning incoherently to himself. He drifted in that lazy place where dreams and reality seemed the same for a moment, before he sighed in a long-suffering manner and opened his eyes.

He was in Roxas's room, though he couldn't quite remember why. His brother was gone, his bed made neatly and pillows fluffed. Sora nodded to himself, his brain sluggishly working through the information. Well, that was normal. Roxas had a 9:30 class on Thursdays. Though that still didn't explain why he had spent the night in his brother's dorm room.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and let his gaze fall on the desk sitting parallel to the bed. There was a folded note resting on it beside a pair of room keys. Sora reached out, missing the paper once before he grabbed it and brought it to his face. The writing was clearly Roxas's - neat and narrow, but with a strange slanted quality that made it a bit difficult to read.

' _Morning, Sora. I didn't want to wake you, so I left a bit earlier than normal. Sleep in, okay? You look so tired. I'll find that Axel guy later and tell him that you're taking the day off. Go back to sleep. The remote's on the counter, if you want to watch some TV later. -Roxas'_

Sora smiled and snuggled deeper into the blankets, dropping the note on his desk. Dumb Roxas, always being so over-protective. Though…the idea was so tempting. He could afford to miss a class. It was just Chem, after all. Nothing important.

The smile suddenly morphed into a distressed frown. Chemistry wasn't important, but…something else was. A memory of guilt and pain and so much _badness_ was kissing the fringes of his memory and he squeezes his eyes shut against it. No, nothing was wrong. It was morning - nothing bad could happen this early in the day. He nodded to himself once and drew the blankets up and over his head. Sleep.

Someone knocked on the door then and Sora groaned, throwing the comforter away from him. He rolled his eyes towards the digital clock. 10:32. Roxas wasn't due back for another hour. Who…?

Sora eased himself up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stood up-

And fell back down. Fire shot up his spine and he gasped involuntarily. ' _Ah,'_ he thought, a soft sort of sadness wafting through him. ' _That's what I forgot.'_

He sat up again, testing his weight on his toes experimentally. It really didn't hurt _that_ much. In fact, if he twisted his right foot a little to the outside, the pain became a dull sort of soreness. Nothing to whine about.

The person at the door knocked twice more, and Sora sighed, walking slowly towards the entrance. ' _There ya go,'_ he muttered internally. _'One step at a time, this isn't so tough.'_

He reached the door finally and swung it open. His eyes met with a broad chest and he slid his gaze upwards. Riku was standing there, a bright smile stretching his lips. The brunet opened his mouth to mutter a hello, but the upperclassman was already there, leaning down and offering a chaste kiss good morning. Sora's eyes shot open wide, his body stiffening automatically.

Riku stepped backwards, his smile a bit more affectionate now. "Morning," he murmured, ruffling Sora's hair playfully. "Are you okay?"

Sora stood there, staring for a moment before he realized what the older boy meant. "Yeah," he finally answered, shifting his weight cautiously to the other foot. "'M a bit sore, but I can walk. It doesn't hurt that badly."

Riku's eyes flashed once in guilt before he nodded, outstretching his hand to grasp Sora's own. "That's good," he responded. He grinned and tugged Sora forward carefully. "Do you wanna go grab some breakfast? The cafeteria is still open for another hour and a half."

Sora tensed and averted his eyes awkwardly. "I dunno," he muttered. "I have Chemistry in a half hour." Never mind that he'd been planning to skip the class anyway.

"Don't worry about that," Riku laughed. The sound was filled with just as much nervousness as Sora was currently feeling. He winced. The guilt-beasts had been resting up until that moment, but they had suddenly made their presence known again. They were chewing on his jugular, now.

"You're in Chem 31, right? I have a friend in the same class, though he has it on Mondays and Wednesdays, instead of Tuesdays and Thursdays. I asked him to bring the notes over later today."

Sora stepped backwards, his rear protesting the sharp movement. "You what?" he gasped. "Wait…you planned this?"

Riku chuckled again, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Sorry," he offered. "I figured it would be a nice way to start the day, you know? So I shoved him awake earlier this morning. He said he'd find us." The smile wavered a bit, but he ploughed on. "If you didn't want to go to breakfast, that's okay. We can stay here if you want."

Sora sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "No," he murmured slowly. "I'm…sort of hungry, anyway."

Riku's face erupted in a bright smile and he grabbed Sora's wrist again. "Come on," he smirked happily. "We'd better get started walking. It'll probably take us a while to get there."

Sora frowned, slouching. "What are you talking about? It's a five minute walk."

"Wrong. It _was_ a five-minute walk. Now that you're a gimp, we should allow for half an hour."

Sora spluttered indignantly, then pulled his hand out of Riku's. He shoved past the taller boy, locked the door behind him and began stomping down the hallway. Riku laughed and caught up with him easily, slinging a hand around the brunet's waist. "Don't be mad," he chuckled. "I like being able to take care of you. And you _are_ a gimp. I should stop by the Student Health Center and pick up a pair of crutches."

Sora squawked and took off at a run.

Even then, it took ten minutes for the two boys to reach the cafeteria. Riku had pulled Sora to a stop and had insisted they walk a bit slower. Sora huffed but inwardly agreed - his ass was on fire, and another step forward and he'd have keeled over. They walked in, swiping their student ID's in the cashier machine and continuing inside.

Sora sighed and made to grab a tray, but Riku grabbed his arm. He smiled. "Wait. Let me get a plate for both of us." Sora opened his mouth to protest but Riku had already walked away. "Go and save us a seat!" the upperclassman called over his shoulder, grinning back at him.

Sora frowned, a flush working its way across his face. He looked around him, hands shoved in pockets. All around were students milling about, talking and laughing with each other, some with their noses buried in books and others listening to audio lessons on their I-pods. For a fleeting instant, he felt a hot surge of anger at them - at their sheer ignorance as to what was going on with him - but the feeling quieted, leaving only a stubborn sense of shame. His fault…always his fault.

He adjusted his shirt self-consciously and walked slowly towards the dining area, picking a small table near the rear of the room and plopping himself down upon it. It was far enough away that they'd be out of sight of most of the students, though he wasn't scared he'd see any of his friends - they'd all be in class, and Hayner and Selphie would be wondering where he was. He _never_ missed Chem, sucked at the class too much to justify it.

"Here ya go," Riku suddenly said, sitting down opposite him and placing a tray overflowing with food between them. He grabbed plate after plate off the tray and began arranging them over the table.

Sora's eyes widened and his mouth involuntarily started watering. Waffles and hash browns and scrambled eggs and a ham omelet and twin glasses of chocolate milk and a single slice of pizza. The brunet immediately grabbed a fork but paused, the utensil hovering over the eggs uncertainly.

"Wait," he began slowly. "How did you know what I like? Even…you even got the pizza right."

Riku smiled, the expression wavering between confidence and uncertainty. "I told you," he muttered, sawing at his own waffle. "I always used to watch you. I mean…not in a creepy stalker way. At least, I hope not. But I know enough to grab what you always like for breakfast."

Sora stared at him, eyebrows furrowed. His stomach grumbled after a moment and he blushed, ignoring Riku's chuckle and dove into the food. Riku really _was_ a creepy stalker, but if it landed him with heaping plates of breakfast, maybe he'd overlook it for a minute.

They ate in silence, but as much as Sora would like to deny it the lack of sound was comfortable. He frowned down at his glass of milk, stomach suddenly protesting against a further influx of food. He didn't _want_ it to be comfortable. Nothing about their situation was comfortable. He closed his eyes. He just wanted this to be _over_.

Across from him, Riku looked up as if noticing the change in mood. He bit his lip and reached forward, grabbing Sora's right hand. The brunet looked up and Riku hazarded a smile, playing with the slim fingers. Sora sighed and looked down, opening his mouth to speak.

"Oi, Riku!" A nasally voice suddenly called. A tall, almost painfully thin redhead strolled up, smirking amusedly down at both of them. He held his arms akimbo and grabbed another chair, pulling it up and plopping down onto it. He grabbed Riku's fork from out of his hand and speared a piece of omelet. He then turned to grin at Sora.

"So," he drawled, lazily popping the omelet inside his mouth. "You're Sora, right? Riku hasn't been able to stop talking about you."

Sora flushed and frowned indignantly, chugging his milk to avoid responding. Belatedly, he snatched his fingers back from Riku's grip and shoved them into his pocket. Riku glared angrily at the redhead and swiped his fork back.

"Shut up, Axel," he growled, eyebrows lifting in an expression of deep disdain. "You don't know when to stop talking, do you? And I thought I told you not to interrupt us this morning."

The tall redhead shrugged and grabbed a sausage link off Riku's plate. "This was the only time I knew I'd find you," he said calmly. "Not my fault if little Sora is embarrassed about PDA."

Sora flushed, but narrowed his eyes. "You're Axel?" he asked slowly. "Wait…you're the one who Zexion asked to tutor me, right?"

Axel grinned and shrugged off his book bag, withdrawing a notebook from the mess inside. He flipped through the pages and finally settled on a set of notes near the end. He ripped them out and tossed them to the brunet. "Yeah," he nodded. "Zexy asked me yesterday, said he'd offer me some extra credit in his lit class if I helped his little 'brother-in-law' out a bit. Not that he called you that, of course, but everyone knows about him and Demyx, and everyone knows your Dem's younger brother. And this morning Riku punched me awake and demanded I lend you Chem notes. It works out nicely, I guess."

Sora frowned and stared at the handful of notes. They were all written in a sprawling, messy hand, but he guessed they were legible enough. And if Axel was really good enough to teach him-

"Wait," Riku interrupted, narrowing his eyes. " _You're_ tutoring Sora?" When Axel grinned innocently, he turned to the younger boy. "That's not necessary," he said fervently. "I'm better than he is. I could help you."

Axel laughed, both at Riku and at the flush creeping down Sora's neck. "What?" he leered. "You're jealous? Afraid I'll steal your little boy-toy away from you in one of our study-sessions?"

Riku growled, moving to stand and Axel grinned, grabbing a muffin and clambering to his feet. "Don't worry, Riku," he laughed. "You've got nothing to worry about. I'm just doing this for the extra-credit. And anyway," he said, face a measure more serious than it was a second prior. He turned towards Sora, staring at him appraisingly.

"You're Roxas's brother, aren't you?" he asked curiously. Sora frowned again, nodding slowly, and the grin once again swept across Axel's face.

"Okay," he smirked. "That's all I wanted to know. I'll see you two idiots later," he said, grabbing his book bag and shouldering it, turning and waving at them over his back.

Sora sighed and twisted in his chair uncomfortably. Of all the things that could have happened…he pushed the plate away from himself slightly and stood up, dusting himself off. "I'm stuffed," he said, proud when his voice came out steady. "Do you think we could head back to the room?"

Riku nodded and began picking up the plates, smiling and waving Sora away when he bent to help. Sora frowned and grabbed the tray anyway, walking ahead of Riku to deposit it in the cleaning rack.

The walk back to Roxas's room was a quiet one, and Sora had no idea what to think of the silence. He pulled out his keycard and Riku pushed the door open, the pair walking up the steps to the third floor. Sora grabbed Roxas's set of keys from his pocket and twisted the door open. He held the door ajar for Riku and they both walked inside.

Sora bit his lip. Riku was staring at him, the strangest expression blanketing his face. A moment later the older boy grabbed Sora's hand, twining the fingers between his own and squeezing. "Sora," he began slowly, his soft voice belied by the small crack on the last syllable.. "Are you ashamed of this?"

Sora's head jerked up, his eyes widening and an discomfited flush sweeping its way across his face. He averted his gaze towards the posters lining the wall. "Why would you say that?" he asked quietly. He was all too aware of the way his hand was hanging limply in Riku's own, allowing the caress but making no effort or return it.

The corners of Riku's mouth tilted up, no trace of humor in the expression. "When Axel came," he murmured, shoving his spare hand in his pocket, "You dropped my hand like a hot potato. Like you were embarrassed."

Sora winced. God. _Damn._ He had to…he needed to… "I-I'm sorry," he whispered. "I was…I'm so _sorr-_ "

"No," Riku interrupted. He swept the bangs out of his eyes, smiling gently at the younger boy. "Don't you worry about it. You're…you're here with me, aren't you? I'm willing to take what I can get."

Sora thrust Riku's hand away as if scalded. His eyes were unnaturally wide in his face and his throat was emitting the most humiliating noises, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Riku faltered, his hand still extended. A lifetime later, he withdrew the proffered palm, sliding it into his jean pocket.

"Why…" Sora began, then shook his head. No. This was…the word 'wrong' refused to fit. It hurt so much - his heart was already tightening in his chest, and tears were stinging his eyes mercilessly and he didn't know why. There was guilt, of course - the emotion was near omnipresent, now. But it was more than that. The hurt seemed bound to his soul.

"Why?" he asked again, voice strangling in his throat. "I… _How_?" He shook his bowed head. "It doesn't make sense. Y-you don't know me…you don't….how? Why? Why are you so nice, you're _never_ nice. I don't understand.."

"Sora," Riku cooed reassuringly. He extended his arms towards Sora and the smaller boy stepped into them almost unconsciously, tucking his head underneath the taller boy's chin. "Look, don't…don't cry, huh? You don't have to worry about me, you don't have to worry about anything It's okay."

" _ **No**_ , it's _**not**_ okay!" Sora yelled. He fisted one hand and pounded it as hard as he could against Riku's chest, ignoring the upperclassman's exhalation of pain. "It…It's not _okay_ ," he whispered, his energy draining from him. He slumped into Riku, head butted against the broad chest. "How can you love me so much? I never did anything to deserve this. Why?" And the words just wouldn't cease, now. "Why won't you just let me go?"

A strangled moan tore its way out of Riku's throat then, and the arms around Sora tightened into a vice. "Never," he gasped, shaking his head dazedly. " _ **Never.**_ I'll never let you go. I…I love you. Please. You can't ask me for a reason, because I don't know. I love everything about you, the small things and the big things, but…they aren't the reason I love you. I just _do._ Please. Don't ever…you can't _ever_ ask me to let you go again. I'd die."

Sora closed his eyes. He felt so strange. Everything hurt, but the feeling coiling in his stomach wasn't pain, and the pressure laying on his heart had…not quite disappeared, but it had alleviated considerably.

"I'd _die,_ " Riku repeated. "If you want an explanation, or a reason…I always used to watch you. I remember last year, you showed up 10 minutes late for the first lit class of the year, and you were so beautiful, the most beautiful person there _ever_ was…and everything about you was messy, and you were out of breath and apologetic and…I didn't know what to do, or what to think. After that it only got worse, because everything you did, every move made me ache inside.

"I always knew I loved you, that I was ruined for anyone else the moment you ran inside that class, but…it didn't really hit me - how I would never… _never_ be able to let go - until a few months later. It…was December, the day before our finals ended, and you were outside with all of your friends having a snowball fight. Back then you hated me, didn't you? But…even so, when you saw me staring…you smiled, and you waved, and you wished me Merry Christmas before you turned back to your friends.

"Up to that point, I still thought I would get over it someday. But you were so _kind_ , and wonderful, and…" He choked, closing his eyes. "I can't tell you why I love you. It's everything and nothing. But you are my everything, and..."

His breath evened slowly, calming even as his fists clenched. "Look," he whispered. "Sora. You don't need to do a thing, okay? I never expected anything. You don't have to speak to me. You don't have to love me back. Sora." He laughed, and the sound shuddered from him like so many weeping bells. "Sora, you don't even have to _look_ at me. Just one thing. Please. I just want one...one thing."

"Riku," Sora whispered. "I can't-"

"You can," Riku said. "Please. All I want is this one thing." His smiled cracked, bled, resurrected itself on his face. He drew one hand down Sora's cheek, and the brunet leaned into it, desperate for anything that would pull his thoughts away

"Just don't make me stop," he whispered. "Just, please. Please just let me love you."

And if Sora had ever promised himself that he'd never cry in front of Riku again, it was already too late. "Stop it," he said, fisting the older boy's shirt within his hands. "Please. You're giving me too much…I'm not worth this. I'm not that important."

Riku smiled then and took Sora's chin between two fingers, tilting his face up. "Sora," he murmured. "Look at me." At Sora's moan of distress, he continued. "No, look…I'm not saying you're perfect. You…you snore when you fall asleep in class and your eye twitches whenever you get mad and you have a temper, and…you're not perfect, okay? But you don't _have_ to be. I love you."

Sora kept quiet, but his hands tangled deeper into the folds of cloth beneath his fingers. The world was spinning around him, and his only hold on reality was the tenuous grip he was keeping on Riku's shirt. There was so much wrong with their circumstances - _everything_ was based on a lie. But even so…Riku's chest against his own was firm, a steady anchor to sanity, and Sora could no more have let go in that moment than he could have stopped breathing.

"Can I kiss you?" Riku asked quietly, tilting his head and smiling down at the brunet boy. Sora closed his eyes and nodded. It wasn't so bad, was it? A kiss? A simple touch of lips against lips, and-

Riku's mouth rested itself on Sora's. He pressed once, then pulled away slightly, repeating the movement until Sora's lips eased open, allowing Riku's tongue passage inside.

' _Just a kiss. I can give him that much. He loves me.'_

Riku drew Sora's bottom lip between his teeth and tugged, then began laving away at the abused flesh. The smaller boy gasped and Riku grinned against his mouth, slipping his tongue in and lapping at the flesh inside. He wrapped the wet muscle around Sora's, coaxing it into action. As soon as Sora began tentatively moving, opening his mouth wider in a near-plea for more touch, the grin on Riku's face morphed into a smirk and he wrestled Sora's tongue into submission.

Sora whimpered, twisting against the older boy in a guilty delight, shifting himself closer even as he raged an internal war on himself. ' _Not so simple if you're returning the kiss,'_ he thought. ' _Reciprocation was never part of the plan.'_

Riku moaned and dipped his hands down to Sora's bottom, grabbing two handfuls and lifting the boy to his tiptoes. Sora couldn't help the squeak that ripped itself from his throat then, but the sound shifted subtly when Riku left his mouth and buried his face against Sora's neck, sucking the still-bruised flesh roughly, nipping and biting and _'Please, more,'_ he whispered internally, tilting his neck back in a blatant offering.

And suddenly, in an epiphany that burst against his the backs of his eyelids like so many suns, he realized what the uneasy feeling twisting his stomach was. It was no wonder it had taken so long to recognize - when juxtaposed with all the guilt and pain and fading horror, any positive emotion was immediately overshadowed. And yet…the wary, frightened happiness coiling in the pit of his gut would no longer be ignored.

' _He loves me. Someone_ _ **loves**_ _me. So much…all my life, I've wanted someone to look at me. Demyx has someone, everyone has someone, and I was always the friend…just the friend. And now, if Riku is willing…if he loves me-'_

"God, Sora," the white-haired boy moaned against his throat. "So much. You have no idea how much I love you."

' _But…I'm using him, aren't I?'_

Riku took a step forward, inching themselves towards the bed. Sora didn't notice - somehow his legs had wrapped themselves around Riku's waist, and he was lost in every touch.

' _Riku's safe. He loves me. I'll always be someone to him. But…can I say the same thing? I don't love him_ _ **back**_ _.'_

Riku paused in his steps suddenly and thrust his hips upward. A ragged shout ripped itself from Sora's throat and he tossed his head almost impossibly back, his own hips twisting and arching, desperate for more contact.

' _I don't, but will I? Can I ever? One day…I might be able to look at him and smile honestly? I think…maybe one day I'll be able to look at him the same way he looks at me. I want him already. And the way he stares at me…so much kindness and longing. I'm happy. It makes me happy.'_

They reached the foot of the bed and Riku turned, falling backwards so Sora was sprawled onto his chest. Immediately his hands were searching, sliding underneath the brunet's shirt, running along the slight muscles they found there. The moans working their way from Sora's throat were unceasing now, their breath coming ragged.

' _I hated him. I really did. The emotion was real. But…in the face of so much kindness…I can't bring myself to hate him any more. I feel…'_

" _Sora,"_ Riku moaned, his hips making small circles against Sora's own. "You don't know what you do to me. Please, let me..."

' _I feel…"_

"Let me kiss you. Let me touch you. I want to feel all of you, underneath me and inside you and..."

' _I…'_

Riku let his hand slide downward, playing with the line of Sora's jeans. "Let me inside," he murmured, nuzzling Sora's collar lovingly. The hand dipped.

"Stop!" Sora shouted, pushing against Riku's shoulders. The older boy immediately rolled off to lay on his back, panting and staring at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry," Sora gasped, the words pouring out of him even as he wondered why he was apologizing. "Please. I can't…I'm sorry, but I _can't._ "

Riku was quiet for a moment, his breaths evening though they were no less deep. "It's okay," he finally murmured, his eyes closing and a soft smile playing across his lips. "I…would _never_ expect more from you than you could give. It's just…" He took another breath, flinching in obvious discomfort. The smile he shot Sora then was horribly pained, unbelievably guilty.

"Is it my fault?" he asked quietly, the corners of his lips quivering. "Yesterday…I pushed you too far, didn't I?" At Sora's small, slow nod, his uneasy smile widened the slightest bit, still as pained as ever. "If I hadn't…if I'd stopped when you asked me to…would this be easier? I mean…did I ruin any chance of us ever being together like that again…because I went too far? 'Cause I didn't stop?"

Sora froze. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to answer such a loaded question? And what made it worse is that Riku obviously wanted the truth. He couldn't…he _couldn't_ give the truth. Riku had gone too far, that was true, but the reason he was unwilling to let it happen again had little to do with that first time.

"It's okay," Riku smiled reassuringly, easing Sora's hair away from his face. "Don't worry. I've dreamt of this for too long…I'd never ruin what we have so far just 'cause I want relief. I'll…I dunno, I'll help myself out, I guess. But I'll never go to anyone else, and I'll never leave you, and I'll _never_ push you again. You mean too much. I'll never love you any less, because this isn't your fault. It's all mine."

And maybe it was wrong of him - maybe he was only feeding to the lies and the illusion - but Sora couldn't help but smile. It was a shy smile, but the expression was real. "Shut up, idiot," he mumbled, working especially hard to keep eye contact. "It's not your fault. I'd have stopped you if I'd really been that scared." And it was the truth, wasn't it? He'd been scared - near terrified - but he'd let it happen, had wanted it just as much. If he now found himself unable to give himself up again, it was only because he was in enough control to realize that it would further complicate their already convoluted relationship.

"I'm sorry that I can't give this to you. Not…not yet, at least. Maybe someday." A lie? He wasn't sure. The guilt-beasts were still eating away at his organs, and the fear and confusion were wreaking havoc with his thoughts, but the happiness coiling in his stomach was an emotion every bit as real as those others.

"But…" Sora continued, his smile softening, losing its almost teasing quality and turning gentle. "I think I like you more today than I've ever liked you before."

The smile that lit Riku's face was magnificent. It spread across his lips, crinkling his eyes and brightening them until Sora was sure he was looking at emeralds, not irises.

"That…that's good to know," Riku managed, the words so relieved it almost hurt to hear them. He laughed then, grabbing Sora into a huge bear hug and squeezing, his entire body trembling with barely suppressed chuckles.

Sora smiled.

… _Tsuzukeru_ …

* * *

 **Author's End Notes:** The chapter title is a line from -Asterisk-, the first Bleach opening song. It's pure kinetic energy, and I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. Hmm. You know, I've just realized that my chapter theme songs are all bright and hyper stuffness, while the chapters themselves are, like, depression and introspection and way more emo-ness than should be allowed. The sad thing is I actually listen to these songs while I dish out the angst. Call me crazy, but my chapters make me laugh. The fact that I'm still not done with Chapter 10 of SGW, however, does not.

 **Dual:** I'm very poor, and very hungry. So be utter _dolls_ and nurse my aching… stomach? Reviews are the balm which heals my distraught, despondent, distressed, depressed soul. So (especially if you have this ficlet faved, or on alert) drop a line!

…Boy, do I sound pathetic.


	4. A Blindingly Bright Sunlight

**Disclaimer:** / _Serenades Sora, rather badly/_ I wanna be loved by you, just you, nobody else but you / _Mutters_ / But that pasty SOB has torn you from my fingers…

 **Author's Notes:** So I'm sure you're all wondering the same thing "Dual! If you've already written this entire story, then how the hell can you be late for an update?!" Oh, don't get me started/ _Fumes and angsts/_ So I go to visit my relatives in some obscure little town for the holidays, right - uncles and cousins and grandparents, etc. And I think, well, _obviously_ I'll be able to update from there, because everyone has internet, right? No, my precious poppets, **wrong**. There are still people in the world without an internet connection. So here ya go with the much overdue Chapter Four! And lemme tell you, I'm so worried about this chapter…I'm trying very hard not to rush the relationship, but as this takes place a few weeks after the previous chapters, and as this is, in essence, just a one-shot divided into five parts…I don't know. I hope it didn't come across as rushed.

 **Dedication:** To **The Writer You Fools** for whom this fic is written. I hope you're having fun with your family! To **The Jackalope,** for your allusion to AT in the latest chapter of _Reverse Eclipse_ , which is one fic I'm definitely keeping tabs on. And to **Delightful Sin** who created an actual AMV for _Advanced Theory._ When I saw it, I was just shocked; it was brilliantly done and just _wow_. Check my profile for the link, or run a search on YouTube for 'Dualism' and 'Advanced Theory,' and you'll find it.

* * *

 **Chapter Four: A Blindingly Bright Sunlight**

The next few days fell into a pattern. Every night, Sora would retreat to Roxas's room. Hayner had been oddly accommodating - the older blond boy had taken to sleeping in Sora's original dorm room with Pence, while Sora would withdraw to his brother's.

And every morning, Riku would knock on Sora's door exactly one hour before their first class, and would drag him off to breakfast. He and Sora would sit at their table and eat in near silence. Riku would sometimes attempt to speak and Sora would answer politely, but the entire situation felt heavy and _wrong_. And Sora hated himself for feeling like that, because it was so painfully obvious how hard Riku was trying, how much he wanted everything to just _work._

Things only started changing when Roxas began accompanying them on their trips to the cafeteria.

Sora couldn't remember the first time Roxas showed up at their breakfast table, holding his own plate of food and sitting down at Riku's side, completely ignoring the upperclassman's disgruntled glare. It might have been after the sixth day, when Sora had returned to their shared room in tears because the entire morning just felt so _awkward,_ and because he felt horrible for feeling awkward. But with his brother there…Sora wasn't sure what it was. Roxas would act as a buffer between he and Riku, casting a rosy tint to every conversation. With Roxas there, everything just seemed so _normal_. Easy, almost. It had become far too easy to sit at breakfast with Riku and laugh, smile at him, indulge him whenever he wanted to hold hands or waists or drop a quick peck on the smaller boy's lips before rushing to class.

And then Axel started showing up, and what had become comfortable suddenly became _right._

Sora would wake up every morning to the sound of knocking on his door, and he'd stumble out of bed and let Riku in. Then, without even bothering to change out of his pajamas, he and Riku would walk to the cafeteria, Roxas trailing along behind them. And once there, Axel would appear, slinging an arm around whoever was nearest - typically Roxas, and Sora never thought to question it - and plopping down onto the table with his own tray of food.

Sora wasn't sure what it was about that particular combination: Riku sitting beside him, absentmindedly stroking Sora's knuckles, Roxas slouched on his other side, sawing at his waffles and completing last-minute homework assignments, and Axel stealing food from everyone's plates, alternately helping and distracting the blond. But everything seemed so perfect.

Three weeks later, at one such breakfast, Sora grabbed his tray of leftovers and stood up, walking to the garbage disposals and dumping the remains of his meal inside. Behind him, Axel and Roxas were arguing loudly over a Chemistry problem, laughing even as they shouted at each other.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Riku whispered suddenly, wrapping his long arms around Sora's waist. "This is the best breakfast I've ever had."

"That's what you say every day," Sora whispered, a bit breathlessly. He closed his eyes and leaned back almost imperceptibly, biting his lip in distress. There was something wrong about enjoying Riku's warmth as much as he did, but the feeling of pain vanished as soon as the older boy's arms tightened.

"And I mean it every day," Riku laughed. "Now be quiet, or I'll keep on speakin' in clichés. C'mon, you're gonna be late to class."

Sora nodded, waving goodbye to both Axel and Roxas as they took off in the opposite direction for their morning classes. He closed his eyes, absentmindedly slipping his hand into Riku's own. The gesture had become a habit over the past few weeks, something he didn't even think about anymore. Vaguely, he wondered if this should worry him.

' _I can't even remember what it feels like to hate him,_ ' he thought quietly. ' _I used to hate him, I hated him so much. When did this become normal? When did holding Riku's hand wherever we went become something so natural?'_

"What are you thinking about?" Riku asked curiously. Sora shrugged and shook his head in response.

' _I can't help it. I'm happy. I'm always so happy whenever I…'_

"Sora? Sora. We're here."

The brunet jerked his head up, blushing. "Sorry," he muttered. "I was just thinking. I…we have a test in Chem next week that I'm worried about." He flinched slightly, the lie leaving a bitter taste in his throat.

Riku nodded, an amused smile sweeping across his lips. "Alright. I'll come over with Axel and help you study this weekend, if you want." At Sora's nod, he leaned in, pressing his lips against Sora's quickly.

"Okay. Wait for me after class, okay?" Riku grinned. He bent and dropped another kiss to Sora's brow before shouldering his book bag and taking off at a jog in the opposite direction.

Sora stared after him for a moment, his face heating almost despite himself, before dropping his gaze and walking inside. He trudged up the stairs to the second floor and took a right, walking to his classroom and swinging the door open. Hayner and Selphie were already sitting near the rear of the classroom, smiling up at him.

"Hey, Sora," Hayner called, bopping his friend on the shoulder lightly in greeting. He took in the slight blush still covering the other boy's face and scowled. "The bastard walked you here, didn't he?" he asked, grimacing.

At Sora's nod, Selphie sighed dreamily. She propped her head on her clasped hands and stared forward, a wide smile on her face. "I think it's _awesome_ ," she sighed. "Riku loving him for so long, and Sora finally returning his feelings, despite the fact that he used to, like, hate his guts. And wish death upon him on a regular basis."

"It's fuckin' stupid," Hayner grumbled.

"It's _romantic_!" Selphie cried. "It's a love that's overcome hate and adversity and extreme dislike, prevailing and triumphing above it all!"

Hayner snorted and turned to peer at Sora. "S'not love," he muttered. "You don't _love_ him, do you, Sora?"

Sora's head snapped up off the desk and he turned to stare at his blond friend, eyes wide. "What? _No!_ Of course not!" He flinched then, his shoulders drooping. "I mean…" he whispered. "He's okay." And there went the guilt again, clawing at his insides. ' _You won't even defend him?'_

"Don't be mean to him," he murmured. "He's really nice to me. And…he doesn't know that it was a joke. He cares, I think. I don't want to hurt him. Don't…don't be rude to him, okay? "

There was a snort to their side, and both Hayner and Sora turned to stare at Selphie. She was staring at the brunet boy with an expression that was an interesting mix of exasperation and fondness.

"So- _ra_ ," she sighed. "What are we going to do with you?"

"What?" Sora asked in confusion. "What do you-"

"Look." she interrupted. The small girl grabbed her purse and unzipped it, digging through its contents before she withdrew a small compact. She opened it and aimed the mirror at her friend.

"See, Sora?" she asked. "Every time we talk about Riku, you get creases in the middle of your forehead and your voice drops and you just look so _sad_."

' _How can I not?'_ Sora thought. ' _He does everything for me and I give him nothing. I can't even tell him the truth.'_

"But that's only because you're _thinking_ about it," Selphie continued. "When you bother examining your relationship with Captain Grumpy, your face falls and all of a sudden you're not cheerful Sora anymore. Because you feel horrible, 'cause you don't think you can return Riku's feelings, and you feel like he's giving you the world and you're giving him a puddle." She again started clawing through her purse, this time withdrawing a small cell phone. She flipped it open and began clicking.

"But _look_ ," she said fervently, holding the phone out for Sora to see. He took it in his hands and held it up.

It was a picture of he and Riku sitting together at dinner. Riku was playing idly with Sora's fingers, and he was laughing, trying to snatch them away. They were both reaching for the same bread roll, grinning at each other. He looked…

" _Happy,_ " Selphie smiled. "Look at the two of you. You're always happy, Sora, but when you're with Riku you light up the room. It's hard keeping my eyes off the two of you when you're both laughing, because it's just so _pretty_. You deserve so much happiness, Sora, and when you talk with him…when you _see_ him…everything about you just shines."

Sora said nothing, but he laid his hands on the desk and stared at them. How was he supposed to answer? She couldn't be right, and yet…how was he supposed to disregard the evidence? Wordlessly, he held his hand out for the phone. Selphie passed it to him, smiling softly, and he brought it up to his eyes.

He looked happy, he couldn't deny it. He could remember that day - Riku had tagged along for dinner, as he'd taken to doing lately. The upperclassman had been teasing him, joking about eating enough for a small country, saying that if Sora grew fat he wouldn't buy him liposuction. And then Riku had grabbed his hand when he tried to reach for an extra slice of pizza, and they'd both started laughing.

"You're smiling even now, Sora," Selphie sighed. "See? Every time you forget to call yourself a selfish jerk for starting a relationship you don't think you can reciprocate, you start enjoying yourself. Don't you get it? You _like_ him."

Sora gulped, his eyes never leaving the photo. "I…"

"I don't get what's so special about him," Hayner suddenly interrupted. "He's still an asshole. A bit nicer than he used to be, sure. He actually _talks_ to people now. But there are plenty of other guys who'd care about you just as much, and who wouldn't act like jackasses the entire time."

"No," Sora whispered. Both Selphie and Hayner looked at him, cocking their heads in confusion. The small brunet continued staring at the camera phone, his eyes locking on Riku's digital ones.

"No, it's not that. It's…" he gripped the cellular tighter. Odd. His hands were strangely sweaty, and the phone was slipping. "He loves me. That's what makes him special."

"There are tons of people in this school who love you, Sora," Hayner scoffed irritably. "Cloud used to, before he hooked up with his _own_ jackass boyfriend. Naminé does. That one upperclassman, Xigbar - he does, too. And there are more. What _Riku_ feels is obsession. It's almost scary."

"No," Sora repeated. He closed his eyes and placed Selphie's phone on his desk. "No one…" He laid his head beside the phone, gazing at it.

"Not like Riku. Maybe Riku's obsessive, and maybe there are other people who care about me, but…they could never love me like he does. What Riku feels…" he squeezed his eyes shut. Why were they stinging? "Do you know what he told me once? He said that I didn't need to do anything…that I didn't have to even look at him, as long as I let him love me. He doesn't care whether or not I love him back. I could…I could be cruel and horrible, and he would never think to question it, he'd never ask for _anything_ more."

"Sora," Selphie whispered, wiping her thumb over his cheek. "Don't cry."

"I'm not crying," he murmured. "Riku loves me, and I don't deserve that. I've been lying to him. I…" His heart seized so suddenly he gasped, raising a hand to his chest to try and rub some circulation back into the clenching cavity.

"I've been so mean," he said, voice a soft sob. "I don't want to hurt him. No one…no one could _ever_ love me like he does. He's never, _never_ been selfish. Isn't that what love is supposed to be like? Maybe he's obsessive, but…" And he couldn't deny the tears forcing themselves past his scrunched up eyelids anymore; they were falling onto his desk, sliding past his cheekbones and landing with soft plops onto the wood.

"Isn't love supposed to be unselfish? I mean…it never works like that in real life, because everybody's _always_ selfish and high maintenance, and no one cares about anyone as much as they care about themselves…but…" A sob. "Shit. I mean, you can look at the freakin' _Bible_ , and even there it says that love is supposed to be patient and kind and unselfish and humble, and…and…Riku's all of those things when he's with me."

He gasped for breath and sat up again, wiping angrily at his damp cheeks. "That's what makes him special, Hayner," he murmured. "It's because…maybe Riku's an asshole, but he loves me, and I…I…"

"You do, too," Selphie suddenly whispered. Sora's head shot up and he opened his mouth to argue. In a rare fit of intelligence, Hayner covered his friend's mouth up. The short brunette smiled.

"Can't you see?" she asked, taking her cell phone from Sora's desk and sliding it back into her purse. "You saw the picture. I've never seen you happier. You're always feeling guilty now when you stop to think about it, because you don't think you love him like he deserves, and because you think that you're leading him on, that your relationship began with a lie." She smiled then, cupping Sora's cheek and squeezing it affectionately.

"You have no reason to feel bad. Over the past few weeks, you've fallen in love with him. You're happy when you're with him, your eyes light up when you see him, you feel like crap when you hurt him, you forget about everything when he enters the room. Don't you _see,_ Sora? You don't have to feel guilty anymore. There's nothing to feel guilty _about._ You're in love with Riku."

The professor walked in then, and Sora didn't have a chance to answer. He was grateful.

Class ended an eternity later and the professor dismissed his students with a reminder to read and review ("And make sure you pay careful attention to the chapter on botany as it relates to chemistry, students, as that _will_ be a major portion of your next exam.") Hayner, Selphie, and Sora grabbed their bags and shuffled out of the classroom.

"Are you waiting for Riku?" Selphie asked as they walked out of the building, shielding their eyes from the suddenly bright sun. Sora nodded once, shoving a hand into his pocket.

"Yeah, he asked me to wait for him today. His class should be ending in a few minutes. You guys can go on ahead. I'll see you all later."

Selphie grinned and gave him a hug goodbye. "Tell Riku we said hi," the short brunette chirped. "And tell him that Hayner, _especially_ , was looking forward to the next time he sits with us at dinner."

"Shut up, Selphie," Hayner muttered. Sora smiled at his two friends and waved a hand in farewell, before he shifted to stare into the distance, his thoughts turning inward.

Love Riku? Sora scoffed internally, worrying his lower lip. He didn't. He couldn't. He-

' _But photos don't lie. And…these past three weeks have been amazing. Wonderful.'_

The boy shook his head, tugging on a spike of hair. No. _No._ He didn't hate Riku anymore, couldn't even remember what it felt like to feel the emotion for the white-haired upperclassman. The older boy may have even become a friend. But to _love him_ -

' _You like spending time with him. You like it when he holds your hand. You like looking at him. '_

But love was different. Love was more than feeling comfortable with a person. It was more than thinking said person was beautiful, more than feeling butterflies flap around his gut every time Riku slid his arm around Sora's waist. He _didn't_ -

' _Why are you arguing?'_

Sora paused in his mental tirade.

' _Love may be more than physical attraction, or infatuation, or friendship. But you can't deny that your heart squeezes every time you look at him. Why are you arguing? Why don't you_ _ **want**_ _to love him? Why are you justifying yourself?'_

He shook his head again, trying to clear it of the voice silkily shooting him question after question. Why…? Because…he was…

' _That's right. You_ _ **have**_ _no reason. If you've fallen in love with him, then wouldn't everything fix itself? Wouldn't that be the kindest solution? You wouldn't be hurting Riku anymore by refusing to say 'I love you' every time he tells_ _ **you.**_ _You wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore.'_

"Yes, I would," Sora mouthed to himself silently. "I lied to him."

' _So tell him the truth._ _ **God**_ _, you turned whiny all of a sudden.'_

"I…"

' _He makes you happy, dammit, he makes you fucking_ _ **happy.**_ _There's nothing to be so God damned scared about. You like him.'_

"I do," Sora whispered, quietly so the crowd of students milling about him would not hear. "I like him. He makes me…so…so happy."

' _So what's the problem? He makes your heart sing. What is that, if not lov-'_

"Sora!"

The small brunet shot up, eyes wide. Riku was strolling towards him, waving a hand in greeting, a small smirk stretching his lips. The sun was at his back, shining around Riku and lighting off his white hair in a way that made him appear almost angelic. And for the first time in his short life, Sora's breath caught in his throat.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting, my prof just wouldn't let us leave." Riku called, grinning apologetically. He bent to plant a small kiss on the younger boy's lips, then leaned backward, frowning slightly.

"What's the matter? You looked worried."

"Nothing," Sora immediately answered, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I was just thinking about something Selphie told me."

The taller boy bit his lip and averted his eyes. "If you tell me," he muttered, "I might be able to help you."

Sora turned to shoot him an almost panicked look, and Riku laughed. "You don't have to," he smiled. "You _know-_ "

"I know," Sora whispered. He bit his lip, turning to Riku. There was something coiling inside him, and it was twisting his gut and heart in a way that _couldn't_ be healthy. "Riku."

Riku's smile fell. Sora couldn't tell what expression must have been spreading across his own face, but he was sure it must have been serious if Riku was suddenly looking almost nervous. He sighed, bending his head.

"I know that you won't press me," Sora sighed. "I know. And…I'll tell you one day. I…" he bit his lip. "I promise. Just…wait a little longer, and I'll tell you."

There was a small pause, before Riku spoke. "Sora? What are you talking about? Is this still about Selphie?"

The brunet paused, then shook his head. "Just wait a bit, okay? I'm sorry if this is a bit weird. Just…forget about it for a few weeks. Days. I don't know. Please?"

Riku looked at him, his too-deep green eyes boring into Sora's own as if he was trying to read into his soul. He finally smiled and grabbed Sora's hand, dragging him across the lawn. "Do you wanna catch a movie tomorrow?"

Sora blinked, unconsciously tightening his grip on the other boy's hand. "Movie? Which one?"

The older boy grinned. "I dunno, we'll find something. I'll pick you up at 8, if you want to?"

Sora ducked his head. He didn't have anything planned, and school night or no, the movie would be over before it got too late. He had no reason to refuse.

"Sure," he answered, a smile spreading across his lips.

And more than that, he really didn't _want_ to. Refuse, that is.

They continued walking across the lawn, meandering slowly to Sora's dorm. It was a few minutes before Riku bit his lip, darting a glance towards the small brunet. Sora sighed irritably, raising an eyebrow. "What?" he asked. Riku grinned sheepishly.

"It's nothing," he promised. "It's just that…I was wondering if I could have your phone number."

Sora started, staring up at him in shock. "Wait, what? You don't already have my number?" The taller boy laughed.

"No. You never gave it to me, and it always felt wrong to ask someone else for it. So I figured I'd ask now. In case we ever wanna talk."

Sora flushed then, averting his eyes. He nodded, reaching into his jean pocket and pulling out a pen. "Do you have paper?" he asked quietly. Riku smiled and shook his head, holding his hand out. Sora bit his lip, looking at the proffered limb. Why did this suddenly seem so embarrassing? It was just…after listening to Selphie, everything felt different. As if every emotion he'd been repressing for the past three weeks has decided to make itself known, all at once. And not all of them were horrible. Not all of them made him want to curl into a ball and cry. The fluttering in his stomach was more than enough evidence of that.

Sora reached out, grabbing Riku's wrist between his fingers and holding the palm delicately. Slowly, he wrote a series of numbers along the back of the older boy's hand.

"There," he muttered, capping his pen. "You know when my classes are, so just don't call me during them."

Riku grinned and shook his hand lightly, before holding it out once more for Sora to grab. The remainder of their walk was quiet, the two holding each other's hands in a comfortable silence. For the first time in the last three weeks - an eternity, almost, it seemed sometimes - Sora's thoughts were calm. They bade each other goodbye at the door to Sora and Roxas's now-shared dorm room, Riku dropping one last kiss on Sora's brow before walking away with a wave.

Sora stepped inside, smiling to himself, barely aware of the expression. From his perch on his desk chair, Roxas turned to look at him. He took one look at the small grin on Sora's face and sighed. The sound was a fond sort of exasperation, much different from the glower he would have shot his older brother three weeks past.

"He walked you home, did he?"

Sora looked up, the almost goofy smile morphing into an embarrassed one. "Course. He…does that a lot, doesn't he?"

Roxas turned back to his homework, peering at it curiously and rubbing his eraser across a set of equations. "Yeah, I guess so. He takes care of you. I can say that, at least."

Sora fidgeted and set his book bag down onto his bed, fighting vainly against the blush working its way across his nose. "You…you don't hate him that much anymore either, do you?"

Roxas shrugged once, before turning to glance at his brother over his shoulder. "I can't get angry at him for caring about you. He's a bastard, yeah, but he's not that bad when he's with you. You're a good influence on him. I haven't heard him really snap at anyone once in the past few weeks. Even less after me and Axel started sitting with you two at breakfast. I can…accept him, I guess."

Sora didn't have a response to that, but he couldn't quite help the grin that flit across his face in the split second it took him to suppress it.

The hours passed quietly after that, each working on homework or amusing themselves on the internet. It was much later, an hour after Roxas had slipped under his bedcovers with a quiet request for Sora to turn off the lights when he was done, that Sora's phone buzzed quietly in his pocket. He withdrew it, frowning quietly at the unknown number before flipping it open and bringing it to his ear.

"H'lo, this is Sora."

"Sora?" Riku's voice spoke quietly. "Hey. It's me."

Sora bit his lip against the smile that wanted to force itself onto his face. "Yeah. What's up?"

"Nothing really. Were you asleep?"

The brunet's face softened, and he burrowed himself under his covers, flipping his literature textbook closed. "No. I just finished up my homework. Did…did you wanna talk?"

There was the softest laugh from Riku's side of the conversation. "Doesn't matter. I just wanted to hear your voice for a bit. Talk about anything." A laugh. "Tell me a bedtime story."

Sora snorted, then brought his hand up to cover his mouth. "A bedtime story? How old are you?"

"Shut up!" Riku cried. "I'm tired, and I can't sleep. I'd rather fall asleep listening to you talk than anything else. So talk."

A small smile stretched Sora's lips upwards. "Alright," he laughed, rolling his eyes internally when he realized he was actually indulging the juvenile request. He reached up and grabbed a spike of hair, tugging it lightly. "I only really know _one_ …my Mom used to tell it to me when I was a kid. I think she made it up."

"That's okay," Riku murmured. "Go on."

Sora smiled. "Okay. Just…gimme a second. It's a bit long, I have to remember…"

There was a chuckle on the other end of the line and Sora blushed. "Don't laugh! Okay, let me start. There was once a little girl who lived with her mother in a pretty cottage in the outskirts of the woods. She-"

"Change it to a boy."

Sora blinked. "What? I can't do that, she has to fall in love with a guy later."

Riku laughed, the sound ringing inside Sora's head. Almost despite himself, his breath caught.

Kairi's laugh reminded him of the tinkling of a thousand bells and wind chimes, tapping against each other on a bright summer's day. Roxas's laugh sounded like the clacking of fireworks, loud and low and oddly comforting. Riku's laugh didn't remind him of any sound.

But when Riku laughed, Sora closed his eyes and saw strong rays of sunlight filtering through the clouds and bathing those beneath it in a steady glow. And he couldn't remember ever having a daydream so vivid.

"Well," Riku continued, startling Sora out of his reverie, "That makes it more easy for us to identify with, doesn't it? Come on, make her a him. Please?"

Sora bit his lip and nodded, before remembering that the older boy couldn't see the movement. "Alright," he grumbled. "She's a guy. Shut up." There was a low chuckle on the other end, and Sora continued.

"The little boy loved his mother very much, and he loved his friends very much, and he loved the world very much. He was the kindest child who'd ever existed, and the animals who lived in the forest could sense this about him, and they'd flock to him like a sheep to their shepherd."

"That's poetic."

Sora refused to dignify that with a response. "One day, however, the little boy visited the town that was built near the woods. As he walked down the streets, he saw a group of other little boys. He came nearer, and saw that they were all teasing a little white dove. The dove's wing was hurt and he was flapping around, but the town boys kept poking at it. The little boy grew distressed and chased the other children away. Then he picked up the bird, clutched it to his chest, and ran back home.

"When he arrived back home, he and his mother took special care of the bird. Slowly, over the course of many weeks, the bird healed. The boy-"

"What's the boy's name?" Riku asked, his voice teasing. Sora sighed irritably.

"He didn't have a name," he groaned. "My mom never gave him one."

"Then call him Sora," the white-haired boy said firmly. "And the bird's name is Riku."

Sora frowned, a flush working across his nose. "Riku," he muttered. "It's just a story-"

"That's okay," the other boy interrupted. "Please?" And just like he did every time Riku made a request in that soft, uncertain sort of voice, Sora closed his eyes - his chest heaving lightly - and murmured a quiet affirmation.

"Alright. Just…whatever. Sora made the bird a nest out of twigs and straw, and nursed him back to help. He didn't keep the bird-"

"Riku."

Sora sighed, clutching the covers around himself. "He never kept Riku in a cage, but let him wander out of the house. Riku always came back. Even after he'd healed, every night he'd take a pebble in his beak and toss it at Sora's bedroom window. And Sora would open the window and let the bird in, and Riku would always bring a small branch from an arbutus tree, with pink and white flowers blossoming from the limb. And…" Sora took a deep breath. He pulled the covers over his head and curled up, clutching the phone to his ear. "And Riku loved Sora very much."

There was silence on the other end. Sora closed his eyes and continued. "He loved Sora so much, in fact, that one day he flew away from the house and into the very center of the forest to visit the Lady of the Woods. She was the spirit of the forest itself, and ruled every plant and animal inside it. And he told her everything. He told her about crashing into a window and falling from the sky, about the boys who teased him, and about Sora. He told her that Sora had taken him home and nursed him, had given him a place to rest his head along with the freedom to leave at will. He told her that he loved Sora, and that…he'd give up everything, he'd give up his life if only he could become human.

"And the Lady, the good, wise Lady of the Woods listened. She acknowledged Sora's kindness and, because she only ever wanted happiness for her children, she agreed to grant Riku his wish. Her only condition was that Riku would need to secure Sora's love within one month. Her magic would only last that long. If Sora fell in love with him, their love would keep Riku human. Otherwise, he'd turn back into a bird, and would never have another chance at humanity.

"Riku agreed. He had no choice. And so the Lady turned him into a human, into a beautiful boy. Riku had never used his legs in such a way before, but he managed to hobble and hop back to the cottage. However, when he reached the building, Sora was gone. He searched and searched, before finally coming to the nearby town Sora so often visited. He walked through the streets and finally spotted Sora playing with the children. In pure joy, Riku ran forward and grabbed Sora's arm. The boy turned and smiled, and asked if Riku wanted to play with them. However, when Riku opened his mouth, no sound came out - he had no idea how to speak the human language, and did not know that a nod meant 'yes,' and a shake of the head meant 'no.' And so, because Riku would not speak, Sora and the other children shied away, thinking that he was cruel, that he thought he was superior. They didn't ask him to play after that.

"Riku ran back to the woods. He kept watch over Sora for the remainder of his time. At first, every night Sora would open his window, waiting for his bird to come back. After a while, he stopped leaving the window open. And through it all, Riku cried, because Sora could not understand him, and because he could not even spend time with his love as a bird. The days passed, until the month had drawn to a close. Riku retreated to the center of the forest. He found the Lady waiting for him. In her hands she held an arbutus branch, and a single pebble. Smiling sadly, she handed the objects to him, and told him that one hour remained of his time as a human.

"Riku took the branch and he took the pebble, and he ran all the way back to Sora's house. Though he had long since crushed any hope of ever having his love in his arms, he rushed back. And when he reached Sora's house, he took careful aim and tossed the pebble at the window. The window opened and Sora leaned out, thinking that at long last his bird had returned to him. When he saw Riku he frowned in confusion, but climbed down the stairs and opened the door. Riku walked forward and held out his hand. Sora said nothing, but reached for the offering. It was the small branch of arbutus, and when he looked at Riku again he could see the shadow of his small white dove floating around him. Sora opened his arms to Riku and kissed him. And after that…" Sora gasped for breath. It was the strangest feeling…his throat was clenching as if he was near tears, but he didn't know _why._ He didn't feel sad, not really…but his eyes were welling up anyway. "And after that it was all okay. And they lived happily ever after."

The silence that enveloped them stretched for almost a minute. Sora gulped. The curious clutching feeling had worsened, but along with that there was a sudden wave of nervousness, sweeping over him so abruptly he gasped for breath.

"Riku?" he whispered. "Are you asleep?"

There was a brief pause, before the other boy spoke. "No. I'm awake."

Sora nodded slowly, tugging at a spike of hair. "Oh. Okay." He bit his lip. "Did you like it?"

There was a slight intake of breath. "It was too girly. And how could he see the bird's shadow floating above 'im?"

The brunet winced, pulling the lock of hair almost painfully. "It was magic. Shut up," he muttered. "My Mom made it up. Don't make fun."

"It wrapped up too neatly. And it's almost like bestiality - a boy and a bird? Squick."

"Stop it," Sora whispered. His eyes were burning, and he wiped them furiously. "It's the only one I know. I like it."

"Me too."

Sora paused, his grip tightening on the phone. "You do?"

The softest laugh echoed through the line. "Of course. Riku ended up with Sora. And…you're really talented. I mean…you're a good storyteller."

Sora smiled, cocooning himself in the blankets. "Thank you."

There was a quiet sigh, and then a slight pause before Riku spoke. "Sora? What's an arbutus?"

The brunet cocked his head. "It's a tree, and it blossoms. Some of 'em give fruits, too, but-"

"No, I know that. It's just…what does an arbutus _mean_?"

Sora bit his lip, rolling over onto his back and throwing the blankets off himself. "The meaning of the flower?" Riku hmm-ed in affirmation.

Sora closed his eyes. He didn't know that was _wrong_ with himself. Why did this feel so important? He opened his mouth, and answered. "Thee only do I love."

There was the slightest inhalation on the other end of the phone. "So every day," the older boy murmured, "Riku would knock on Sora's window and give him a flowering branch from an arbutus."

The small boy curled in on himself. "I'm tired, Riku," he whispered. "Good ni-"

"I love you."

Sora's breath caught in his throat. He opened his mouth, trying to gasp in a measure of air, but his lungs just wouldn't seem to function properly. Though he'd heard the words countless times over the past three weeks - more often then he could ever remember hearing them over the course of his whole life from any one person, even his mother and brothers - the words tightened into a cruel vice around his throat. He didn't know what was different, but… _something_ …

"I mean, maybe it's not a flower, but it's the same thing, right? I love you, and I love only you, and…you just watch. After college I'll find an arbutus tree and I'll plant it in my backyard, and every day I'll knock on your window and I'll give you a branch and-"

"Riku."

Sora heard someone take a shuddering breath. He wasn't quite sure whether it had been Riku or not. "Sorry. I…I'll let you go to sleep. I love you, alright?"

Sora closed his eyes. "Thank you," he murmured. "Thank you so much."

For a moment, he was sure Riku would just say goodbye and hang up. "What for?" the upperclassman asked quietly.

"I don't know," Sora whispered. He let his body relax onto the bed and opened his eyes to stare up at the roof. "I'm happy. This…made me happy. Thank you."

The smallest noise of relief, and once again Sora couldn't be sure it wasn't his own voice that had uttered it.

"Okay," Riku sighed happily. "I love you. And I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

"'Night," Sora whispered. He closed the phone. The room was dark, shadows coiling around the walls. On the opposite side of the room, the light of a street lamp caught in Roxas's open eyes.

"Roxas?" the brunet began softly. "Why are you awake?" The blond boy said nothing, his eyes wide and staring. A heartbeat later, he held his arms open. Sora stumbled out of bed, tripping on his sheets, and fell into his brother's waiting arms.

"Sora," Roxas whispered, holding his older brother to his chest like a child. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know what to do," he whispered back. "Everything hurts."

The blond turned onto his back, dragging his twin with him so that his brunet head was laying on his stomach. Roxas sighed and stared up at the ceiling, one hand running softly through Sora's brown hair.

"Do you want me to end it?" Roxas asked. "If you want me to, I'll find Riku and tell him that your relationship is over. You'll never have to see him again."

Sora's eyes shot open. He opened his mouth, but no sound escaped. All he knew was that the most powerful feeling of panic he'd ever felt was crashing over him in cruel, unceasing waves. He shook his head violently, lifting his head to stare at his brother with wide horrified eyes.

"No," he finally managed to gasp. "No, don't."

Roxas lifted himself onto his elbows and rolled his brother off him. He peered down, face carefully blank. "Why are you hurting, Sora?"

The brunet immediately frowned, shaking his head. "I don't know."

"Think about the question before you answer," Roxas sighed. "Please. Think about it, then tell me again. Why are you hurting?"

Sora's face contorted and he turned onto his side, facing away from his brother. He felt behind him for Roxas's hand and clutched it.

"I'm hurting him," Sora whispered.

"No, you're not," the blond scoffed. "I've never seen him happier than when he's with you."

"But I am!" the other boy cried. "Riku loves me, and it hurts him that I don't feel the same. And because _he_ 's hurt, so am I. And one day Riku'll find out that I lied to him, that this whole relationship began because I wanted to tease him, and then it'll be ruined. He won't ever trust me again. And I don't want that. I don't want him to get hurt. I don't want him to leave." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I want to be with him. I want him to stay with me."

Roxas rose to one elbow, staring down at his twin. "You want to be with him?" he questioned quietly. Sora closed his eyes, then nodded.

"Yeah. I…the thing is, I love feeling like this. I love knowing that someone loves me, and I love knowing that someone will take care of me. I _love_ …" Another breath. "I love the feeling of being loved. But that's not it! That's not the whole reason. More than that, I love knowing that it's _Riku_ that loves me, and that _Riku's_ the one taking care of me."

Roxas sat up fully, his eyes widening slightly. Sora continued.

"I…I feel so overwhelmed. I never thought that I'd ever be this… _happy_. Because I am. I'm really, _really_ happy. I love the feeling, but…that's not _all._ I see him, and I start smiling. Class ends, and I'll look for him. He makes me laugh, and I want to cry whenever he holds my hand because it feels so _warm_ , and…" he curled in on himself, and Roxas's arms snaked around him. "And…"

"Roxas," he whispered. "Today I looked at him, and I stopped breathing."

The blond boy closed his eyes and gathered his twin brother into his arms. "It's okay," he murmured. "It'll all be okay."

"I know," Sora responded softly. "I think I like him."

Roxas couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped him. "Sora," he sighed in a sad sort of amusement. "I think so, too."

And the small brunet boy laughed in pure delight, the strongest sense of relief lapping at the fringes of his heart. It was as if saying those words - admitting the feeling to himself after so many days of guilt and horror and pain - had somehow relieved him of the weight clenching tighter around his heart with every breath.

"Roxas," he giggled in an almost hysteric happiness. "Do you really think I…d'you think I love…?"

"Yeah," Roxas smiled. "I think you do."

The next day passed in a blur. Time was acting funny - it would pass in great dollops for a short period, and then drag on excruciatingly for another.

Sora would later try to remember exactly what happened that morning, or that afternoon, and would come up frustratingly blank. It was only when eight o'clock rolled round and Riku knocked on his dorm room that Sora finally began to take some notice of their surroundings.

The drive to the theatre was a quick one, Riku chattering on about the movie they were going to see, about the premise and actors and soundtrack. Sora couldn't muster up the effort to respond. The world felt like it was closing in on him, or like he was standing on the edge of a precipice. He wanted to do _something_ , wanted to somehow make everything right…wanted to make Riku happy, wanted to alleviate some of the pressure on his chest, and could not find it in himself to move or speak.

They pulled up finally, Riku opening his door and climbing out, Sora swinging his own open. He felt oddly as if he was in a confused daze, but at the same time he could feel _everything_ , could feel the heavy comfort of Riku's hand clutching his own, of Riku's breath on his ear as he told Sora to grab a seat as he bought the popcorn and sodas.

Sora walked into the cinema, plopping onto a seat in the last row. He'd always loved sitting in the back; he adored people-watching, studying their habits from a spot where their eyes wouldn't be focused on _him._ The large, dark theatre was near empty, however, and he only belatedly began to question his decision as Riku dropped into the seat beside him.

"There aren't that many people here," Riku commented idly. "I guess 'cause it's a school night. Why'd you pick the last row?"

Sora worried his lip, grabbing the plastic cup of soda the older boy offered him. "Dunno. Me and my friends always sit at the back of everywhere. Theatres and classrooms and restaurants. It's like a tradition."

Riku beamed at him, placing a huge tub of popcorn between their seats. And then the previews began, and both boys focused their attention on the movie.

It was a nice one, as movies go, and Sora was thoroughly upset that he couldn't enjoy it. If Roxas or Kairi had been here - if he'd been with anyone other than Riku - he might be laughing at the quips or following the characters back-stories. But…

Sora closed his eyes, his breath quickening despite himself. The air felt so heavy, coiling in the pit of his stomach. He could hear every inhalation and exhalation of the boy sitting next to him, and…they were in a dark theatre, an empty theatre, and _Riku's here, he's right_ _ **here**_ _…_

On screen, the protagonist was arguing with the female lead about whether or not a one-night stand could lead to a proper relationship. Sora waited for the other boy to retract his hand from the large tub of popcorn, and then reached inside. He held his breath and peered to his right.

Riku was sitting there, chewing slowly and staring at the screen. He absentmindedly reached for his drink and sipped idly at it, before returning his attention back to the movie.

' _I can make this right. I can make him happy. I want…why does it feel so hot?'_

In his seat, Sora squirmed. He wasn't sure why he felt so uncomfortable - maybe it was the fact that they were in a darkened, near-empty theatre. Maybe it was that Riku's full attention was on the movie, and while Sora hated it - while he shoved the feeling down irritably and watched in dismay as it floated back up - he couldn't help but want Riku's eyes on _him._ Maybe it was that they were in the last row, and no one was watching, no one would _know_ if…

If…

When Riku's hand drifted back to the popcorn, the younger boy met it halfway, grasping it and twining the digits together. The upperclassman started in surprise and turned to stare at him curiously. Sora bowed his head - his discomfort was increasing, and he _knew_ his face was flushing furiously, but…it wasn't so much _butterflies_ that were flapping around in his stomach. It felt more like a fleet of walruses. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and drew the palm of Riku's hand to his lips.

He felt, more than heard, the catch in the white-haired boy's breath as he slid his lips slowly across Riku's open palm. "S-sora?" The brunet lifted his eyes to meet Riku's, and the flush spread down his neck. The other boy's eyes were widened, surprised, but his pupils were dilated and his mouth had opened slightly. A small, wet tongue swept outwards to moisten suddenly parched lips, and Sora followed the movement almost unconsciously.

"Sora?" Riku repeated. "Wh-what are you…?"

The younger boy squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep calming breath. His mind was raging at him, calling him all sorts of fool and informing him, quite furiously, that every move he made was only pulling him deeper into the mire of strange emotions and untruths that he had created for themselves.

' _But…this isn't enough. He loves me so much, and what have I done for him? I've been acting like…like a_ _ **doll.**_ _He loves me, and I…I…'_

Sora leaned over the large tub of popcorn and brushed his lips against Riku's.

' _I want this. I want to be unselfish, I want to give him happiness, but also…I want him._ '

Sora pulled back a centimeter, staring into Riku's impossibly wide eyes, before he moved forward again, pressing his mouth more firmly against the other's, opening his mouth and brushing his tongue against the seam of the taller boy's lips.

' _I…love-'_

And as if that movement had broken a dam, Riku burst into motion. He groaned deep in his throat and grabbed at Sora's arms, hauling him out of his seat until the small boy lay half-sprawled on top of him. Sora squeaked, his mouth widening in surprise and Riku took full advantage of the opening, his tongue sweeping inside, rubbing and caressing and stroking against the appendage it found there.

The tub of popcorn fell to the ground.

Sora moaned. He couldn't think, everything was turning into a hazy dream…nothing existed except _Riku_. The older boy flicked his tongue against Sora's own, wrapping around it and teasing it forwards until it drew out far enough for Riku to take between his lips and suck.

The brunet gasped, his legs spreading unconsciously. He shifted until he was near-straddling the older boy, their mouths never once parting-

' _Not so hard, the trick is breathing through your nose…'_

-and Riku bucked upwards, gasping into their kiss. Sora keened, his arms clutching the other to himself tighter.

' _Too fast…this is going too fast. Too far. Not yet, I can't do this yet, I have to tell him the truth-'_

The green-eyed boy slid down in his seat slightly into a more comfortable position, his hips shifting, grinding against Sora's own, the evidence of both their arousals rubbing against each other with every small move. Sora muffled an involuntary wail in Riku's mouth, his short nails clawing at anything he could reach as he pushed downward, moving against the other boy in abrupt motions.

' _But if he doesn't want me after I tell him? He's put up with so much, I wouldn't….I couldn't blame him if this was the last straw…I want him, I need him…I love-'_

"Stop."

It took a few seconds for Sora to realize that Riku had been the one to break away and utter the word. He blinked blearily, then shook his head and leaned forward again, pressing parted lips to Riku's. The older boy groaned, his hands tightening around Sora's waist for the barest moment, before he again pulled back.

"Not," he gasped, shaking his head and resting it against Sora's neck, "Not here."

"Then where?" Sora gasped. He'd later kick himself angrily for those words, but as soon as Riku had ceased moving, every rational thought had disappeared, funneling into an intense feeling of wrongness, that the something horrible would happen unless he kept on _moving_ , unless Riku kept on shifting his hips _just like that_ -

Riku groaned and caught Sora's lips with his own in a swift caress before he grabbed the boy's waist within his large hands and brought him to a sharp halt.

"No, Sora, we _can't-"_

"Yes we can," the other boy interrupted almost hysterically. "Please," he moaned, struggling to free himself, wanting even the slightest bit of that friction back. "Please, we _can_ , nobody's watching, we can just…" he sobbed as the enormity of the situation suddenly crashed down upon him. "Just," he whispered, voice trailing off.

"Sora," Riku said, nudging the boy's neck with his nose. "You're crying."

The brunet started in shock and raised a hand to his cheeks. When he withdrew them, they were damp, and he raised the fingers to eye level, peering at the fluid in confusion.

"You don't want this," the older boy murmured. "I mean, you _do_ , but you _can't_ …I won't let you. You'd regret it after, and… _no._ I don't want you to regret anything."

Sora groaned and buried his head in Riku's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I…want…I want,"

"I know," Riku said. He kissed Sora's forehead once before tilting the boy's chin up, a shadow of his familiar smirk gracing his lips. "You can go to the restroom, if you need to. I won't say anything."

Sora flushed and flung himself back into his own seat. "Oi!" he muttered indignantly. "No way! You'd _know_ …I can't…"

"Then I guess you'll have to excuse me," Riku half-grinned, standing up. "But there's no way I'll make it home like this."

Sora flushed, sinking into his seat. "You…you're not really going to…?"

Riku's grin gentled, morphing into a soft smile. He bent down and pressed a light kiss to each of Sora's eyelids. "Wait for me in the lobby," he muttered. "I'll be there in a second."

Sora slumped further into his seat, squeezing his eyes shut. Oh God. What had just…had he _really_? And now Riku was heading towards the bathroom, and he _knew_ what the older boy was gonna do. And it was _his_ fault. _He_ was the one that had forced Riku into such a state, and _Riku_ had been the one to call it to a stop.

He gasped then, features contorting painfully. He would have done it. In the last row of a dark movie theatre. He _had_ been ready to, had been rutting against Riku like a dog in heat, and when Riku told him to stop he'd shaken his head and leaned back in.

"Oh God," he whispered. "What am I doing? What's _wrong_ with me?"

Stumbling drunkenly to his feet, he kicked the overturned carton of popcorn to the side and stumbled out the theatre and into the lobby. It was a short wait before Riku walked out of the restroom, his face a deep red.

"Sorry," the white-haired boy muttered. "I just had to…I mean…sorry."

Sora sniffed and lowered his head. _God._ He could _feel_ the steam wafting out of his ears. "You're not holding my hand," he mumbled. "I _know_ where those have been."

Riku turned a color Sora had only ever seen on fruit, and he shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "Sorry," he repeated. "I…I don't know how you do it…there's no way I could have…calmed down…in such a short amount of time."

"Okay," Sora half-shouted, walking past the tall boy. "We're _not_ having this conversation. Let's just go home."

The short walk to Riku's car was a silent one, broken only when they closed the car doors behind them.

"I'm sure we're gonna laugh about this later," Riku said nervously. "This is just one of those embarrassing 'couple moments' people share during the holidays."

Sora snorted. "I can't _believe_ you jacked off in the theatre restroom. That's, like…undignified, or something."

There was a short silence, before Riku started chuckling.

"It's not funny!" Sora cried. "What if someone heard you?"

"If someone heard me," Riku said, smirking even as he turned a color previously unknown to man, "They'll be wondering who Sora is."

The brunet spluttered. "You… _you_ …my _**name**_ _"_

"Who else's name would I call?"

Sora growled, punching him on the shoulder roughly. Riku laughed and grabbed the younger boy in a bear hug. The brunet yelled irritably, and the white-haired boy's chuckles grew in volume until they became guffaws.

"I thought I told you not to touch me," Sora finally muttered, subsiding slightly. "I'm disinfecting your hands as soon as we get home."

The taller boy grinned and bent, nibbling lightly on the other boy's lips before he pulled away.

"In the theatre," he began, his grin shifting into a gentle smile. "That was the first kiss you ever started."

Sora flushed. "Yeah, well…I guess it was. It's not that big of a deal, right?"

Riku bent once more, pressing his lips onto the brunet's slightly swollen ones. Sora opened his mouth to him without thinking about it.

"It's a big deal to me," Riku answered, pulling away with a final peck. "I'm really happy."

"Yeah," Sora whispered back. "Me too."

The drive home wasn't quiet. Sora wasn't sure if this was because any silence would have quickly grown uncomfortable in the wake of what had happened in the theatre, but whatever the reason, they talked - about everything and nothing and things of no importance but interesting despite their triviality. School and friends and plans for the weekend, and Sora couldn't ever remember enjoying a meaningless conversation more.

Riku pulled into the student parking lot near Sora's dorm a half hour later, and they both stepped out, laughing easily together. They walked inside, quieting slightly, and up the stairs to the third floor.

"Roxas is probably at home," Sora spoke up suddenly. "But if you wanna come in and grab something from our fridge, that's okay. He told me earlier he didn't have any homework due for the next few days, so you won't be bothering him."

Riku grinned in affirmation and Sora grabbed his room key from his pocket, inserting them into the door knob and swinging it open.

And Roxas and Axel were both there, twisted in the sheets of the blond's bed and embarrassingly naked. They hadn't noticed Riku or Sora yet - that much was painfully obvious by the way Roxas was keening desperately, his head thrashing from side to side, legs clenching and unclenching on Axel's shoulders, and by the way Axel was growling an interesting mix of expletives and sweet nothings into the humid air, thrusting so violently into the writhing body beneath him that Sora was a bit shocked Roxas hadn't broken in half.

"Holy fuck!" Riku half-shrieked, grabbing Sora's face and shielding the younger boy's eyes. Sora was thankful - he had now caught every member of his family in the act at least once, and wasn't sure he could take another second of seeing his _brother_ being pounded into the mattress.

Roxas yelped, his legs sliding off the redhead's shoulders. Axel twisted quickly, shielding the blond behind him defensively and grabbing the discarded bed sheet off the floor, pooling it around them.

"Y-you…" Roxas gulped, his face a bizarre green shade that clashed rather rudely with his hair. "You! You're not supposed to be back for another hour!"

"We left early," Sora warbled, pressing Riku's palms harder into his eyeballs. "We were getting bored, and…" He grabbed Riku's right wrist and peeled it off his face. "Roxas? _Axel?!_ "

"It's not what it looks like!" the blond shouted. He tried to sit up and reach his clothes. His bedmate shot him a derisive look, placed one large hand on his chest, and pushed him back down.

"Fuck that," Axel grinned, absentmindedly petting Roxas's cheek. "It's _exactly_ what it looks like. You just walked in on me pounding Blondie into the bed. And if you don't mind…I'd sorta like to continue."

"In our _room_?" Sora asked dazedly, covering his right eye again with Riku's hand. "Roxas! I sleep here!"

"It's a traditional folk remedy!" his brother shrieked. "I had a cold!"

There was silence for a moment, all heads staring blankly at the blond currently being held captive on his own mattress by one overzealous redhead. Sora smiled then, cupping the upperclassman's hands to his eyes and taking a step back.

"Well," he began, nibbling at his lip. "We'll…leave you to that, I guess."

Roxas pushed Axel off him and sat up, wrapping the covers around him. "No! Sora, don't be stupid. You're not sleeping in the commons-"

"Of course not," Riku interrupted, guiding Sora backwards. "He'll stay with me tonight."

Roxas froze for an instant, and then began struggling up. Axel frowned irritably and tightened his grip on the blond's waist. "No!" the smaller boy yelled. "He can't-"

"It's alright," Sora chimed in. His eyes were still covered, but the smile on his face was bright. "We won't do anything. And I'm _not_ sleeping in this room until you disinfect it. The both of you just…carry on."

And trying to rein in their chuckles, Sora and Riku stepped out of the dorm room and closed the door behind them. Riku dropped his hands from Sora's face and they turned to stare at each other. A split second later, they burst out in wild giggles and began stumbling down the hallway. Behind them, they could still hear Axel's and Roxas's voices, arguing loudly.

"Leggo of me, you sex-crazed idiot! I'm not letting Sora-"

"Don't worry about it, Blondie, they promised not to do anything. _We_ , on the other hand…"

"Ack! What the fuck? Stop that! The mood's ruined, get offa me!"

"No can do, Roxas. You heard your brother. _We're_ carrying on."

"No we're not, _pyro_ , get the _hell_ …oh! _Oh…_ "

Riku and Sora collided with the door of the older boy's room, still laughing too hard to breathe. Riku pulled out his keys from his pocket, fumbling with them in pure mirth. The keys finally cooperated, sliding into the keyhole and Sora pushed the door open, gasping for breath.

"I…I _can't_ believe this!" the small brunet giggled. "I mean…my brother and _Axel_?"

The taller boy smiled down at him, collapsing onto his desk chair. "Dude, I think they fooled all of us. I mean…looking back I guess I should have known; Axel's never teased _anyone_ as much as he does Roxas."

Sora sobered slightly, his chest slowing its great gasping heaves. "Yeah. He never told me. I mean, it's not like he _has_ to. But still…"

"Don't feel bad," Riku smiled. "Axel never told me, either. And…I think he's just been worrying about you so much these last few weeks, that he probably felt it would be better to just keep quiet for a bit."

"He…hasn't been worrying about me that much," Sora mumbled. "He just…"

"Had to make sure his brother wasn't dating a freak," Riku interrupted, smirking. "Roxas has been keeping a careful eye on both you _and_ me for the past three weeks. He probably felt you had enough on your plate without worrying about his own love life."

Sora fidgeted sheepishly. "I… _have_ been sorta monopolizing his attention, I guess," he sighed, plopping onto the floor. "I should have noticed…Roxas never warms up to anybody that quickly, and he never let's _anybody_ steal his food…and he _does_ laugh a lot with him, more than he does with most other people." He giggled slightly. "I just can't _believe_ we walked in on them. My _brother_."

"Well," Riku said, smirking wickedly. "From what I've heard during breakfast, you've got more than enough experience with _that._ "

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Sora cried. Riku's grin widened.

"Nothing. I've just heard that Professor Zexion's quite the freak."

Sora spluttered indignantly, and Riku laughed. "C'mon," he said, standing up and brushing himself off. "I'll lend you some clothes to sleep in." He walked to his dresser and grabbed a large t-shirt and pajama pants, tossing them to the small brunet. He smirked and turned around, covering his eyes in a childish show. Sora rolled his eyes, flushing lightly, and shrugged out of his clothes and into the larger ones he'd been offered.

"I won't ask you to share the bed," Riku grinned, his voice wavering slightly in an emotion Sora couldn't quite place. He turned the lights off. "So you take it."

"Uh uh," Sora said, frowning. "Of course not. It's your room, and I'm not gonna kick you out of your own bed when _you're_ the one who offered me a place to spend the night."

"You're my _guest_ , Sora," Riku sighed in an affectionate exasperation. He grabbed a pillow off the bed and placed it alongside it, flopping down onto the floor. "I'm _not_ gonna take the bed."

Sora frowned irritably, but his mouth twitched upward into a smile. "Well, tough, Riku!" he cried. He grabbed the second pillow from atop Riku's coverlet and placed it on the opposite side of the floor, laying onto the floor. "If you're sleeping on the floor, then I will, too."

Riku looked at him quietly from his spot on the floor. "I can see you under the bed," he said softly. He rolled onto his side and held his hand towards the smaller boy, reaching under the bed. Sora smiled and extended his own hand towards Riku, clasping it.

"Good night," Riku whispered. Sora smiled.

"G'night."

Riku smiled. "I love you," he murmured. He tightened his grip on the other boy's hand and closed his eyes. He didn't see the smile flitting Sora's lips open. Didn't see his mouth opening, or the moonlight reflecting the softening of his eyes.

"Me, too."

Riku's eyes shot open. His mouth worked silently, but no sound emerged for what seemed an eternity. "W-what?" he finally managed to breathe, his voice breaking.

Sora smiled, and he used his grip on Riku's hand to pull him a bare inch closer. He felt calm. The whirlwind of pain and guilt and happiness and everything he'd been feeling over the past weeks - everything he'd ever felt over the course of his _life_ \- was gone, leaving only a gentle sort of calm that washed over him in soothing waves.

"I think I love you, too," Sora whispered.

Riku released a long, shuddering breath and pulled Sora closer, raising the younger boy's hand to his mouth and placing kisses along it.

"Oh God," he moaned. "Oh God. Oh my God. Please…tell me. Again. Please, oh God, please."

Sora closed his eyes and enjoyed the kisses fluttering over his palm, wrist, forearm. "I love you," he repeated, just as softly as before, the words flittering across the still air like so many butterflies.

"Sora," Riku half-sobbed, pulling the boy under the bed until he ended up on the other side, in Riku's arms. "Sora. Sora. _Sora._ "

Sora smiled, and closed his eyes to fall asleep.

… _Tsuzukeru…_

* * *

 **Author's End Notes: Ack! Sora's finally gotten his act together. There's no where to go but down, huh? Dun dun dun…Heh, don't worry though: I can't write a sad ending for the life of me.**

 **But I'm scared.** Because…this chapter went too fast! I mean, I tried to stretch it out (the fact that it's, like, 12,000 words should make that obvious - I've _never_ written a chapter this long), but it still seems fast to me. Like, last chapter Sora was barely admitting that he maybe liked him…my excuse is that three weeks have passed since last chapter and this one, and since this is, in essence, a one-shot that was split into five chapters, I couldn't exactly detail what were only three fairly commonplace weeks. So…try and forgive me for that? Please? I hope I didn't completely screw up. Oh, and the chapter title is a line from L'arc en Ciel's _Heaven's Drive._ So pretty, so awesome…and have you _seen_ Hyde in that music video/ _Gasps, gurgles, and dies an awesome death/_

 **Err...review? As a late Christmas/New Years present/** _ **Puppy dog eyes/**_ **Honestly, though...each kind review I receive makes me jump in happiness, so press the periwinkle button and drop a line, please!**


	5. A Faintly Covered Truth

**Disclaimer:** Dear Sora, I have stolen your keyblade. If you ever want to see it again, you'll renounce yourself as the property of Disney, Squeenix, and Riku…please?

 **Author's Notes:** Aw, crap…you know, I've written one-shots before, but this is actually the first multi-chaptered fic I've ever finished…SGW won't be done for a while, and while I've got a few other multi-parters in the works…this is the _first_ , ya know? It's been a wonderful ride, and I've enjoyed it through it all. Oh, and the chapter title is a line from _Shout It Loud_ , the opening from _King of Bandits Jing._ It's a gorgeous song, soft yet loud, and I think we'll all agree it's appropriate. And because I really don't have much more to say - besides the requisite plea to **review** and **enjoy** \- I now present the fifth, and final chapter of _Advanced Theory_.

 **Dedication:** To **The Writer You Fools** who…is just one of the most amazingly awesome authors on this site, and who's an amazingly awesome _person,_ even beyond that. This was all for you, hun, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I adored writing it.

* * *

 **Chapter Five:** **A Faintly Covered Truth**

It was warm.

Sora awoke, blinking blearily and trying to adjust to the lack of light. He could faintly make out the red numbers of the digital clock lying on the bedside table, just out of reach. Four minutes past six in the morning, and Sora frowned, wondering why he'd awoken so early. He absentmindedly snuggled into the large body holding him tightly and closed his eyes, trying to fall back asleep.

His eyes shot open ten seconds later and he turned onto his side, peering at Riku's face in the darkness. The older boy's eyes were shut and his mouth was open slightly, the gentlest expression of contentedness lining the contours of his face. He murmured in his sleep and tightened his grip on Sora, nuzzling into the smaller boy's neck.

Sora relaxed, the tension that had immediately sprung into his body upon realizing his position seeping out. Slowly, oh so slowly, a soft grin spread across his face, and he raised himself onto an elbow, smiling down at the white-haired boy clinging to him in sleep.

' _Last night,'_ he thought, lifting a palm to his mouth in order to stifle the almost hysteric giggles begging to be released. _'I told him, didn't I? I made him happy.'_

The thought caused his soft smile to morph into a full grin and he dropped his head onto his crossed arms, examining the boy he was sharing a bed with. Riku's hair was splayed out around him, strands of it falling onto his own shoulders and tickling Sora's nose. He sneezed, and the sound drew another murmur from Riku, his eyebrows knitting momentarily before he turned, rolling in his sleep until he lay half-sprawled on the younger boy.

The brunet choked on a laugh and drew one of his hands through the head of white hair resting on his chest. He shook his head, a gentle sort of amazement trickling through him. ' _Beautiful,'_ he sighed to himself. ' _How did someone like him ever fall in love with me?'_

"Sora," Riku mumbled in his sleep. "Love…"

"Shh," Sora whispered. "Go back to sleep. It's still dark out."

The larger boy groaned and rolled more fully on top of the younger one. Sora gasped for air and chuckled, shifting so that he could breathe easily. He grinned down at Riku and tugged lightly on the strands of hair. Beautiful…everything from the fluttering of his eyelashes as he fought for sleep, to the strength in his arms as he clutched at Sora like a teddy bear, to the way his overly large shirt was beginning to slide off one shoulder to reveal a delineated clavicle and corded muscles…Sora's eyes softened.

The past few days had been so horribly, heart-wrenchingly confusing, but it was worth it. In the end, he thought, tapping Riku's nose with one finger lightly, it was all worth it. The pain and frustration and guilt - so much ever-present _guilt_ \- had all been worth it. Even that first day, when he'd unwillingly given Riku the one thing he could never take back - even that day, for all it's agony and horror, had been more than worth it. Sora smiled. Riku was beautiful and warm and loving and _here_ , and Sora wasn't sure how he'd never realized it before.

Before…

The smile that had been shifting across Sora's face faltered, and he stopped squirming around. If he thought back…back to before…to that day, three weeks ago, when in a fit of anger he'd uttered a single lie, and had forever changed his life…

The little black guilt-demons suddenly made their reappearance, exchanging one form of shame for another. Because maybe he could now make Riku happy, maybe he could now reciprocate the older boy's love, but in the end everything had been based on a lie, and Sora was far too good-hearted to feel comfortable with lies.

' _Damn,'_ he murmured idly to himself. _'Will this never end? How do I fix this?'_

The answer was obvious, of course - it would only take a few words, a single revealed lie, and all bets would be off. All secrets would be laid bare on the table, and…Sora bit his lip to stifle a sob.

And…

"Sora? Whassamatter?" Riku blinked sleepily and lifted himself onto his arms. He squinted his eyes shut, rubbing at them kittenishly. "Why're we on the floor?"

Sora smiled, and just like that every bit of pain he was feeling faded into the background. He would tell Riku…he _had_ to. He couldn't bear to lie to _anyone_ , and lying to _Riku_ made his chest hurt in ways he couldn't stand. But not yet. For now, he'd enjoy this fuzzy warmth, enjoy the arms around him and the green eyes blinking confusedly down at him.

"We fell asleep here last night," Sora laughed. "Come on, let's get to bed."

Riku moaned irritably but clambered to his feet, dragging Sora with him and dropping him unceremoniously onto the bed. He automatically scooted closer to his source of warmth and tugged the other boy closer, closing his eyes and evening his breath.

Sora sighed, letting his eyes drift closed. He'd made his decision, and the weight that had been pressing onto his shoulders was dissipating slowly. He'd enjoy this comfort for now, and after that he'd tell Riku. Tonight. He'd pull Riku aside, and explain.

' _He loves me. He'll be angry, but…I have to trust that he loves me. I have to trust that he cares enough to forgive me. I love him…Give me strength. Give me enough strength to be able to tell him…convince him…please let him forgive me.'_

The body behind his froze suddenly, his long arms convulsing around the smaller boy's waist.

"S-sora?" Riku breathed haltingly. The sleep had disappeared from his voice, and the name fell from his lips falteringly.

"What's wrong?" Sora asked, turning in Riku's grasp to look up at him. The older boy's face was visibly pale, even in the dim light. Sora frowned, the last vestiges of guilt and fear fading away, worry replacing them. "Are you okay?"

Riku bit his lip, raising a hand to cup the other boy's cheek. The limb halted halfway, and he let his arm fall without ever making contact. "Sora," he whispered. "What happened last night?"

And just like that, the brunet understood. He smiled, the expression soft but bright in its sincerity. "Go back to sleep, Riku," he murmured. "It's early."

There was silence for a moment, before Riku spoke, his voice breaking softly. "I love you."

The words sounded more like a question than a statement and Sora grinned. He slung one arm around the other boy's waist and shifted closer, twining his legs with the other boy's. "I love you, too," he smiled, making sure that Riku's eyes were trained on his own before he spoke.

There was a sudden exhalation, and then Riku pulled him closer, his mouth seeking Sora's own and finding it, pressing down in an almost frightening jumble of relief and desperation and sweet, sincere _love._ He rolled the two over until he was holding himself above the small brunet, laving at his lips and sucking on them.

Sora moaned softly, shifting his legs apart unconsciously so that Riku could lay between them easily. The older boy groaned, deep in his throat, and immediately shifted, his hands working themselves under Sora's borrowed shirt and sliding, massaging the slight muscles until Sora was writhing underneath him in delight.

"Love you," Riku whispered, leaving Sora's lips to plant kisses all over his cheeks, forehead, neck. "Love you…thank you…"

Sora smiled and slid his hands in the soft white hair tickling his shoulders. The lips on his neck gentled, until they were leaving only soft butterfly kisses. "Love you, too," he sighed happily. He pulled Riku up until they were at face level, then leaned forward, resting his lips on the pale ones of his boyfriend. Riku returned the soft caress, moving against the slim boy resting under him in a way that was almost painfully gentle.

Sora pulled back finally, laughing as he blew Riku's hair out of his face. The other boy grinned, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, and collapsed beside the brunet, holding him to his chest playfully.

"What time is it?" he asked, darting a glance out the window. The sun had yet to rise, and a crescent moon was barely visible through the blinds. Sora yawned, pulling the covers to cover themselves.

"S'not even 6:30," he said through the yawn. "We'll wake up later."

Riku grinned, his eyes already drooping sleepily, and pulled Sora up so his brunet head was resting on his arm. "Don't," Sora said, making no effort to move. "Your arm will fall asleep."

The last words Sora heard before warm darkness overtook him were "That's okay. I figure it's worth it."

The next time Sora awoke, the sun was filtering through the blinds and casting a pale glow on his face. He batted at the rays irritably and squinted his eyes shut, burrowing deeper into his soft, make-shift pillow. In his stupor, it took a few seconds before he realized why he'd awakened. And then his eyes shot open.

His cell phone was ringing, over and over, and Sora _knew_ who it was.

He frowned. He'd left his phone on the floor the night before, and it would take a huge amount of effort to climb out of bed and grab it. On the other hand, it'd take even more effort to pacify the caller if he _didn't._ He sighed in the manner of one who has been unfairly put upon and reached over Riku's body to try and grab the ringing appliance. The key word here being _try_ , because as he stretched out his hand to reach for the cellular, Riku batted his arm away and crushed him to his chest.

"No," the older boy growled in a manner that was almost petulant. "Tell the phone to shut up and go back to sleep. It's barely 8."

Sora bit his lip, actually considering the proposal. "I need to answer, Riku," he sighed finally, trying to pull away from the larger boy's death grip on his waist. "You have one guess as to who's calling."

"Don't care. We have leverage. We caught him in bed last night. He can't make you do anything."

The phone stopped ringing. Sora and Riku both shifted to watch it with bated breath. A split second later, it began again. Sora groaned, half-heartedly trying to grab at the cell phone. Riku's growl turned into a roar and he rolled, pinning the younger boy and laying flat on top of him. Sora yelled in surprise and couldn't help the laugh that forced itself out of his throat. "Get off!" he ordered, pushing at the white-haired boy's shoulders. "He'll _kill_ me!"

"I'll kill _him_ ," Riku snarled playfully, collapsing fully onto the other boy's smaller body. Sora hacked, laughing and trying to squirm out from his prison. "It's Friday. First class isn't until 11. We've got three hours, and we're gonna spend them _here._ " He wrapped his arms around Sora's lower back and pushed their hips together. Sora's giggle turned into a gasp, and Riku chuckled. The phone stopped ringing, then began again a few seconds later.

"He's gotta give up sooner or later," Riku muttered. He bent slightly, sucking on the skin of Sora's neck almost absentmindedly. The slim boy attempted to sigh in frustration, but the sound that emerged sounded more like a whimper.

"If I don't answer," Sora managed, "He's gonna come over."

"So?" Riku mumbled, laving at the pale expanse of Sora's throat. "We're not gonna do anything. You promised."

Sora moaned, whether in aggravation or gratification, he himself couldn't quite tell. "Idiot," he gasped. "Get off."

Riku released one final groan of discontent and rolled, his handsome features pulled into something scarily reminiscent of a pout. "If you answer the phone," he grumbled, "We're skipping class. And we're gonna spend the entire day in bed."

Sora bopped him upside the head, fighting a blush. "'m not having sex with you yet," he muttered in embarrassment. Riku's stern look melted into a smirk.

"That's what _you_ say," Riku joked. "You give me a day in bed, and by hour 4 you'll be _begging_ for it."

Sora snorted, fighting the full-body flush just _waiting_ to turn him into a human tomato. "Whatever. I'm answering."

Riku huffed and Sora smiled, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek. Riku batted him away in mock-anger and the brunet's smile morphed into a grin.

It was strange…up until this moment, Riku had always watched his words carefully, had always paid special attention to how many liberties he took. But Sora's confession the previous night had worked some sort of miracle on the older boy. Riku's smile was bright and lacking the subtle sadness and desperation that had been there for the last three weeks. His teasing, now, was carefree and relaxed. Riku no longer seemed to weigh every single word he said, and Sora grinned with the knowledge that _he_ was the one who had made the older boy so happy.

Sora leaned over him, grabbing at the cell phone twice before he managed to grasp it. He flipped it open hurriedly, then pressed it to his ear.

"Sora?! Where are you? Why didn't you answer the first time I called, you damn idiot?!"

The brunet winced, holding the phone away from his ear slightly. "Sorry," he apologized. Beneath him, Riku's hands began wandering up the smaller boy's shirt. He muffled a gasp and plopped down atop the upperclassman in retaliation.

"I'm at Riku's," he answered. "And I just woke up. Sorry, I couldn't really hear the phone that well." He winced at the lie, crossing his fingers behind his back.

On the other end of the conversation, Roxas frowned. "You sound…happy," he stated curiously. When Sora answered with a cackle of glee, his eyes widened.

"Hey, Sora?" he began, his voice halting slightly. "Is…did everything turn out okay?"

Sora smiled, wiggling into a comfortable position. He laughed softly, the sound filled with so much happiness Roxas started grinning upon hearing it.

"Yeah," Sora whispered. "It's okay."

There was a sigh of relief on the other end, and Sora twisted so that he was lying on his back, still trying to crush Riku with his weight. "Do you wanna go to breakfast soon?" he asked. Underneath him, Riku squawked angrily.

There was a small pause, and then Roxas coughed. "Err. No, actually. I think…I'm gonna skip breakfast today."

Sora raised an eyebrow and was about to ask why, when the sounds of a small scuffle on the other end of the conversation sounded through the phone. A second later, a new, slightly nasal voice began speaking.

"What Roxas _means_ ," Axel said, a broad smirk evident in his voice, "Is that he's not exactly fit to walk, and will probably be spending the day in bed." A thoughtful pause. "With me. In fact, I'd suggest not coming back to your room any time within the next 24 hours."

Another scuffle, and this time Roxas's voice was the one Sora heard through the phone. "Sorry. Um…yeah. Just…ignore Axel. But…don't come back to the room. And…tell Zexion that I'm missing his class. Because I'm…sick."

Sora snorted. "Of course. You have a cold. Traditional folk remedies, and all that."

He could all but _hear_ the blush in Roxas's voice when he stammered a goodbye and hung up. Sora grinned, flipping his cellular closed and shifting until he slipped off his bed mate and lay beside him.

"No breakfast today," he said, by way of explanation. Riku's face brightened, and Sora's grin widened. "But we _do_ have to go to class. Roxas is counting on me to make his excuses."

The older boy's face fell momentarily before a smirk spread across his face. "Blondie's not going to class today?" he asked, voice teasing. When Sora nodded, he laughed out loud. "Damn," he whistled, looking almost envious. Sora flushed, pulling the covers up to his neck.

"Shut up," he ordered. "That's my brother you're talking about." Riku sighed then, rolling Sora atop of him.

"So," he whispered, voice low and a lascivious smirk lifting his lips. "We _do_ have the next three hours to ourselves, right?"

Sora shivered slightly, refusing to make eye-contact for fear of erupting into embarrassed flames. "Shut up," he muttered embarrassedly. "We're gonna spend those three hours sleeping."

Riku didn't argue, but his smirk shifted into a soft smile. He rolled Sora off and lifted himself onto his elbow, peering down at the younger boy intently. Sora frowned, his eyebrows drawing together awkwardly. "What?" he asked, shifting. Riku's gaze was discomfiting and he self-consciously curled his body inward. Riku laughed gently then, reaching to tug at one brunet spike gingerly.

"It's nothing," he murmured. "I'm just a bit shocked I guess." When Sora lifted his eyebrows in question, he continued.

"A month ago," he whispered, bending to drop a single kiss on Sora's brow. He chuckled when the smaller boy squirmed slightly. "A month ago, this was a dream. I mean… _really_ …this was just a dream. I…every night I'd let myself wonder what this would be like…I'd let myself believe, just for a little while, that you were here, that you were by my side." He closed his eyes, nuzzling the other boy's cheek with his nose.

"Every night I'd think of you, for hours at a time…I'd wonder if you were really as fragile as you looked-" At this Sora snorted and smacked him lightly on the head. Riku laughed, ignoring the interruption. "If your hair was really as soft as it looked. I'd wonder what you'd feel like…" He lowered his face again, this time running his tongue against the seam of the brunet's lips. Sora opened them without a second thought, and Riku laughed, pulling away teasingly.

"Wonder what you'd kiss like," he sighed, rubbing his thumb against the cupids-bow lips parted before him. "I'd wonder, and I'd dream…and I loved you so much, _knowing_ …I _**knew**_ that you would never feel the same." He sat up then, his smile quivering slightly.

"And here you are," he whispered. "I told myself to stop being an idiot. I told myself that you hated me, that you would _never_ love me the same way I love you. And here you are."

Sora looked up at him, eyes veiled. He smiled, pursing his lips against the digit stroking against them. "Here I am," he whispered, and made the words sound less like an invitation than like a promise. Riku's gaze softened, and he grabbed Sora's hand, bringing the palm to his lips.

"You're so brave," he sighed, his voice unbearably soft. "I told myself that you hated me…that confessing to you would be a waste of time, because you'd _never_ return my feelings. I never treated you like I wanted to, because I was so scared…I was so fucking _scared_ that you'd see right through me." He pressed his lips against Sora's wrist, then brought the proffered hand to his cheek, nuzzling it.

"I would have gone through life loving you but never showing it. Wanting you, _needing_ you, always looking but never touching. I never… _never_ would have told." His smile grew slightly then, turning warm and almost proud.

"And after all that… _you_ were the one who confessed to me. _You_ were the one who risked getting hurt." He placed one final kiss on Sora's hand before clutching it to his chest. "You're so brave," he whispered.

Riku lay back down, burying his face in the brunet hair. He completely missed the look of pain that flashed over Sora's face at his words. Missed the tightening of Sora's chest as he closed his eyes against the sudden welling of hurt and guilt and tears.

' _I'm not brave.'_ Sora thought. He curled in, molding his body to Riku's in an instinctive urge to hide himself. Sora closed his eyes, weariness dragging him into sleep almost despite himself.

" _I'm a liar."_

Sora awoke again to lips moving over his own and fingers dancing across his stomach. His eyes shot open, landing on long white strands of hair falling around them and deep green eyes sparkling merrily. He jerked, and Riku laughed, the sound muffled by Sora's own mouth. He drew away with one last smack of lips against lips and sat up on his heels.

"Morning," the older boy said, his smirk belied by the softness of his voice. "Wake up, you lazy bum."

Sora sat up, flushing to the roots of his hair. "What was that about?" he asked, wiping at his lips self-consciously. Riku grinned, shrugging.

"It's the best way to wake up in the morning," he answered, laughing. He paused, then smirked wider, flicking Sora's forehead with one finger. "Well, that's a lie; I can think of _many_ better ways to wake up. But I don't think you'd be comfortable with that yet. Plus," he continued, jerking his head toward the digital clock. "We've got fifteen minutes to get to class."

Sora gasped, then rolled off the bed. "What?!" he half-shrieked, grabbing his cell phone. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I was hoping you'd oversleep," Riku said truthfully, lazily hopping off the bed. He dodged the punch Sora aimed at his shoulder and pointed to his closet. "Go ahead, pick out whatever you wanna wear," he said, a smile evident in his voice. Sora scowled at him, but walked over to the cabinet anyway.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he muttered petulantly. At Riku's laugh, he quickly grabbed the closest pair of pants and shirt and disappeared into the bathroom. He reemerged a minute later, hurriedly running his fingers through his air in a vain effort to tame it. Riku grinned at him over his shoulder, tugging on a pair of boxers. Sora flushed, ducking his head and pulling on his shoes. A few seconds later, Riku coughed discreetly, and Sora turned to look at the smirking boy.

"You look better in my clothes than _I_ do," Riku laughed, reaching forward to adjust Sora's borrowed shirt slightly. The smaller boy blushed angrily and glowered.

"They're falling off my shoulders," he mumbled.

"That's why I like 'em," the upperclassman grinned. Sora aimed another punch, this time connecting with his stomach. Riku wheezed, his laughs erupting even louder now. He grabbed his book bag from the floor and slung it over his shoulder. Sora glanced at the bag and winced.

"I left mine at home," he said. "Do you think I could-?"

"Roxas isn't coming to class today," Riku interrupted. "So I'm sitting next to you. We can share books."

Sora sighed in relief and grabbed the older boy's arm, tugging him out the door hurriedly. They arrived at their classroom with five minutes to spare. Zexion lifted his head from where he was organizing his lecture notes, and paused. Belatedly, Sora realized that he was still clutching the older boy's hand tightly, and that they were both flushed and out of breath.

The small brunet blushed darkly and bent his head, dragging Riku to the back of the classroom. Zexion raised an eyebrow at this, and Sora hurried to explain.

"Roxas isn't coming today," he muttered. "He's…sick. Yeah. And I forgot my textbook, so Riku offered to let me borrow his."

Zexion nodded slowly, but let his eyes linger on the way Sora had yet to release Riku's palm. And when the class was over, and he realized that the two were still hand in hand, he sighed and walked forward.

"Riku?" he asked calmly. "Can I speak with you?"

The tall white-haired boy shrugged, releasing Sora's hand and bending to drop a kiss on his brow before ushering him outside. The door closed behind him and Sora leaned in, pressing his ear against the door.

A few minutes later, Sora collapsed in a frustrated heap, his back leaning against the door. He could hear _nothing_. Shit. What kind of professor insisted on sound-proof walls? The kind that often dragged his blond lover in for a between-classes romp, that's what kind.

The door opened, and Sora caught himself before he fell onto the floor. Above him, Riku peered down, his face oddly ashen.

"What did Zexy wanna talk to you about?" Sora asked curiously, clambering to his feet. Riku shrugged, bit his lip, then answered.

"You ever seen _Happy Tree Friends_?" he asked, voice a half-octave higher than normal. Sora frowned, then shook his head.

"Good. It's nothing but blood and gore. It's also about five times tamer than what Professor Zexion said he'd do to me if I screwed with you."

Sora muffled his bark of laughter in his palm. "Yeah," he said, folding his arms behind his head and walking down the hall. "That's Zexion. He's all calmness and poise until he gets mad. Sorta reminds me of his big brother. This freak named Saix."

Riku chuckled, the nervousness fading from his voice slightly. "He also invited me to dinner this weekend at Demyx's place. Meet the parents, so to speak."

Sora laughed, pulling Riku by the wrist in the direction of the cafeteria. "I have no advice for you," he smirked. "There is absolutely nothing I can say that'll make it easier. Demyx and Zexion are gonna have a _field_ _day_ with you."

Riku groaned, but allowed a smile to spread across his lips as he followed the younger boy. "We're eating with Kairi and the rest, today?" he asked. Sora nodded.

"Yeah. And Riku, don't you _dare_ antagonize Hayner again. If you throw so much as a _peanut_ in his direction-"

"You'll never kiss me again," Riku finished, rolling his eyes. "Of course. Don't worry. I'll bear with the little blond _idiot_ -"

"Riku!"

"Who's an idiot?" a loud voice suddenly interrupted. Riku stifled a groan. Beside him, Sora grinned, waving. The entire group, from Wakka and Tidus and Selphie, to Hayner and Pence and Olette were waiting at the entrance to the large, two-storied building that housed the cafeteria and dining rooms. Standing at the forefront was Kairi, grinning happily at Sora.

"No, really," Hayner repeated, with no small measure of smugness in the tone as he smirked up at Riku. "Who were you calling an idiot?"

"This guy I know," Riku answered, his lips tilting in an answering smirk. "He's a friend of a friend. I don't know why anyone puts up with him, though, because he's the most idiotic, imbecilic, hot-tempered, pus-"

"He's talking about Seifer," Sora interrupted hurriedly. "A real chicken-wuss, that one. So who's hungry?"

"Lord knows _I_ am," Wakka and Kairi muttered.

Sora grinned and took off at a run for the cafeteria. The meal passed in what was most definitely _not_ silence. Kairi and Wakka both noisily shoveled food into their mouths, Tidus and Selphie argued over slices of pizza, Pence and Olette laughed and cracked jokes at everyone's expense, and Hayner and Riku alternated between sneering at each other and teasing Sora within an inch of his life.

A half hour had passed before Sora groaned and grabbed at his stomach. "I never wanna eat again in my _life_. Riku," he moaned, turning to face the upperclassman. "If you don't take me home _right now_ I think I'm gonna burst into a thousand pieces."

Before Riku could respond, Kairi turned in her seat to grin at her brunet best friend. "Hey, Sora," she began, her voice lilting slightly. "I'm gonna go grab a snack from the vending machines. Walk with me." She didn't wait for an answer, but grabbed his arm and dragged him out of his seat, laughing at his indignant protests.

"I'll have him back in a few minutes, Riku," she giggled. "You just wait here and get to know everyone a bit better."

The upperclassman scoffed and threw a bread roll in Hayner's general direction. By the time he turned back to his boyfriend and said boyfriend's best friend, they were gone.

It wasn't until Kairi had pulled Sora past the vending machines and up the stairs to the vacant second floor that she came to a halt. She spun to face the spluttering boy, and then grinned.

"You look different," she said, her voice teasing. "What happened?"

Sora paused, wetting his lips nervously. "What do you mean?" Kairi snorted in disgust, and rolled her eyes.

"Don't you try to fool me, Sora," she crowed. "Something happened between you and Riku, and I wanna know what it was."

Sora flinched in embarrassment and dug his toe into the floor. "You're such a gossip," he muttered. When Kairi giggled but said nothing to defend herself, he sighed. "What do you mean, I _look_ different?" he asked. The little redhead laughed happily and performed an easy pirouette.

"I mean you _look_ different. Ya see…" she bit her lip, wondering how to phrase herself. "You're never happier than when you're with Riku. That much is obvious. Maybe you used to hate him, but there's no way you still feel like that. You laugh and joke too much with him for that to be true anymore. But no matter how happy you used to be, there was always this little part of you that was holding back. Like…you would sometimes drift off in the middle of conversations, and every know and then your face would drop and you'd just look _so sad._ As if you were drowning yourself in guilt for not being able to return his feelings."

"And now?" Sora asked softly. Kairi smiled and leaned forward at the waist, peering up at her oblivious best friend.

"Now, that barrier is gone," she sighed. "You look free."

Sora smiled, ducking his head in an awkward happiness. The small girl's face softened and she took one of her friend's hands in her own. "Do you love him?" she asked gently.

He bit his lip, turning to stare out the window at the green lawns below, filled with students meandering and running and laughing and joking. He smiled, and that was all the answer Kairi needed.

"I do," Sora murmured. "More than anything." He turned to glance at the redhead and faltered. Kairi was standing there, her hands clenched tightly in her skirt and her eyes welling with tears.

"Kairi?" he asked nervously. "Are…are you okay?"

The slim girl took a deep breath and then ran forward, throwing her arms around her best friend. "I'm just so happy," she whispered. "No one…no one in the whole entire _world_ deserves love as much as you do. I'm just so…so _happy._ "

Sora winced, brushing her tears away from her face. "Then don't _cry_ , Kairi," he mumbled. "Laugh."

She did, wiping her hand across her eyes. It was the work of a few minutes before she managed to compose herself. Her expression fell slightly, and she turned toward her brunet best friend, her face somber.

"Are you gonna tell him?"

Sora winced, his expression freezing. He didn't need to ask what she was talking about - it was evident.

"Yes," he whispered. "I…I don't want to. But I will. Tonight. I need to tell Riku that it was a lie…that it was all a joke-"

"A joke?"

Sora and Kairi both spun around, clutching their chests wildly. Riku was standing there, his face ashen and his hands trembling at his sides. He took a step forward, the movement faltering.

"I…I was looking for you," he began. "You…you two were gone for a long time, and I was getting bored…I wanted to take you back home. I…Sora?" he asked, his voice cracking on the second syllable. "What are you talking about? What do you mean, ' _joke?'_ "

It seemed as if all the blood had drained from Riku's face, leaving it as pale as his hair. His fists clenched at his side. "S-sora?"

"It was nothing!" Kairi gasped, rushing forward and thrusting her arms to the sides as if to shield her best friend. "Please…it was nothing."

Sora shook his head wordlessly. It felt as if every drop of blood had fled from his body, leaving him cold and empty. As if his heart was seizing in its cavity, crushed under the weight of his ribs and of the agony that was so evident on Riku's face. The older boy's eyes were huge and wide and horrified, and his entire body was shaking. Sora bit back a moan of pain and shook his head once more.

"Kairi," Sora whispered, his voice quivering. "Go back to the others. I…I need to talk with Riku."

The small redhead glanced at her friend, fear evident on her features. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "I shouldn't have said anything. I…I'm sorry." She clenched her eyes shut, threw her arms around the brunet and squeezed. A split second later, she was running down the hall, back to the cafeteria.

Sora stood frozen, his eyes never leaving Riku's. He could feel every limb of his body trembling. He opened his mouth, but no sound emerged. _'You were going to tell him anyway,'_ a soft, still voice murmured from the recesses of his mind. _'The end result is the same.'_

Sora took a deep, shuddering breath. _'But not like this. I was going to explain…I…'_

"Sora?" Riku breathed. His eyes were wet. "Please. Tell me what's going on. Please."

Sora closed his eyes, unable to look at the older boy for another second. Not when tears were leaking down his face and he was trembling like a leaf and you could barely distinguish the words with how soft they were being spoken. "I was going to tell you tonight," Sora finally said, his voice barely discernible over the low hum of the students milling around on the lower floor.

"Tell me what, Sora?" Riku asked, the words coming with great pauses in between as if he was trying to muster the strength to actually speak. "What were you…what…what did you mean when you said it was a _lie?_ " His fists clenched impotently at his sides, and Sora could swear he saw rivulets of blood running between the curled fingers. "Do you mean…when you said you loved me it was a l-"

"No!" Sora shouted. His eyes shot open and he ran forward until he was standing before Riku. He shook his head wildly, clenching his fingers into white-knuckled fists. God, no no _no,_ this couldn't be happening. "No, I _do_! Please, I wouldn't lie about that! Maybe I _didn't_ but now I _do-_ "

"Do what?" Riku interrupted, his voice quavering under the force of his words. "Love me?" He tried to sneer, but the expression was belied by the wetness on his cheeks. "You admitted to Kairi that it was a lie, that it was a joke."

"Would you _listen_ to me?" Sora cried, pounding his fists helplessly against his thighs. Please, God, _no._ Riku had to listen. "I-"

"I've been _listening_ to you for the past three weeks, Sora," Riku hissed. "I've been listening to you and loving you and worshipping you, and…" He sobbed then, just once, before he straightened his shoulders and looked down at the trembling boy standing before him.

"I don't…I don't know why you would do this. But…if it's what you w-want, we'll end it."

Sora jerked back as if slapped. He shook his head. _'Please,'_ he whispered internally, and had no idea who he was directing the prayer at. ' _Please, you have to make him listen. Please, he has to listen, I can't let him go, I'm not that unselfish, I'm not like him. Please, please, God above_ _ **please.**_ _'_

"No," he moaned. He unclenched his fists, pressing his palms to his eyes. "Riku," he whispered. "Please. I…please. _Please._ " He gasped for breath, falling to his knees in what was not so much a supplication as it was the abandonment of all the strength remaining in his body. "Riku, no, _please_ …Don't hate me…Don't leave…Please…I…"

Riku stared at the bent form of the smaller boy for what felt like an eternity but could not have been more than a few seconds. And then his features contorted and he shook his head.

" _Damn it_ ," he whispered, falling to his knees before Sora and pulling the smaller boy's palms away from his face. "Don't…don't cry…please don't cry." He moaned, deep in his throat, and grabbed Sora's face between his hands, kissing each eyelid once. "God…" he groaned. "God _damn_ you. I can't…I could never hate you. Even if you lied…even if you don't love me, I could _never_ -"

"I love you."

Riku drew back then, his palms falling from the younger boy's cheeks. "Don't lie to me, Sora," he whispered, and Sora could not remember ever hearing a sound so full of anguish. "It's…please. If you don't love me, then that's okay…I told you before that I would love you even if you didn't feel the same. I don't…I don't need you to love me. Just…please. Please don't lie to me."

Sora shook his head and bowed it, letting his hands rest on his thighs. He had to…he _needed_ to make Riku understand. It felt as if the tears running down his cheekbones were wreaking havoc with time and space and Sora had no more idea how much time had passed since this conversation begun than he had idea of how it would end. But somehow…

"I'm not lying," he whispered.

Someway…

"Believe me," he said, his shoulders jerking forward with the force of the sobs he was trying to suppress. "I love you." He raised his eyes then, the sky-blue irises flashing fiercely.

He would make this right.

"I _love_ you," Sora whispered. "And…you don't have to do anything. You don't have to love me the same way. You don't…" he gasped for breath. "You don't even…have to _look_ at me. Just…please just let me love you."

Riku fell back onto his heels, his eyes widening and the pupils of his eyes shrinking into tiny pinpricks within a sea of green. The words had been his own, once, and now...

"Sora," he whispered, his breath coming in large, heaving pants. "You don't mean that."

The smaller boy closed his eyes, bending forward until his head lay butted against Riku's stomach. "Will you listen to me?" he asked. He bit his lower lip between his teeth, needing something to ground him to reality. "I want to tell you everything."

Riku said nothing for the longest while, just peering down at the brunet head lying against his abdomen. Finally, he reached a hand to tug at one messy spike. Sora took it as all the encouragement he needed.

"I used to hate you, y'know" he murmured. "Everything about you. You were so mean…so cruel…you acted as if you deserved the world by virtue of just being _you._ " He chewed at his lip until it turned a deep blood-red. He didn't know why he was saying this, it couldn't possibly help him as much as it would hurt him. But…Riku had to _understand…_

"I don't know why I took it so personally. But I did. Everyone told me to ignore you, but even back then I couldn't help but look. I hated you…but I felt more for you than I did for any one else."

"Sora," Riku breathed. "Please. Don't tell me this."

"But I have to," Sora cried, fisting his hands in the fabric of Riku's shirt and shaking his head violently. "Because it's the truth, and you _knew_ , didn't you? You knew that I hated you, I never made it a secret. It's the truth…and it's the reason this all started. Do you remember that day? The day when Kairi walked up to you and said that Myrna wanted to go to dinner with you?"

"The day you confessed to me," Riku said, his eyes widening. Segments of the puzzle were piecing themselves together slowly, but he couldn't yet see..Sora nodded haltingly.

"I was just so _mad._ You were so high and mighty, and you acted like you hated everybody…like you were _better_ than everybody. I just wanted to throw you off kilter. I just wanted to prove once and for all that you were human. And…I didn't think. I _never_ do. And it was the only way I could think of…I didn't know what else to do…"

"Sora?" Riku asked, his voice faltering. His hand froze on Sora's head. "Are you saying-"

"I just wanted to see you lose your cool for _once in your life_ ," the young boy whispered. God. He _had_ to stop _crying._ "So I lied…I told you that I cared. And-"

"And I was too happy to see the truth," Riku interrupted, his voice quavering. "I thought you were mine, and I took you home and…" His eyes widened, then, and he drew back. "Oh. Oh _God._ I…you _hated_ me…and I forced you. I _raped-_ "

"No!" Sora cried, reaching for Riku as he fell back onto the floor. The older boy shook his head, scooting backward.

"Is that why you did this?" he breathed, his voice barely audible with how badly it was breaking. "I…I _raped_ you, and you hated me so much for it that you pretended…you acted as if you loved me. To hurt me." He shot backward, scrambling to his feet and clutching at his throat in horror.

"Oh God," he whispered. "Oh God. This is my fault. I hurt you and this is my fault, everything that's happened is _my_ _ **fault.**_ **"**

Sora blanched. He could _see_ , could _feel_ everything crumbling around his ears. Riku was backing away from him, blaming himself for some imagined transgression and Sora knew that if he left now, nothing would _ever_ be right again.

"Riku!" Sora screamed, shooting to his feet. " _ **Stop!**_ "

And just like Riku did every time he heard that word - the word Sora had once asked him to obey the first time it was uttered - he stopped. Sora ran forward and threw his arms around Riku's neck, resting his face there and praying that the older boy wouldn't notice the tears sliding wetly onto his skin. Because if he could just _hold_ onto Riku long enough, if he could just keep him from _leaving_ …

"Stop it, Riku," he whispered. "Don't say that. I didn't hate you for that first time." He took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to vanish the wetness in his throat. "How could I hate someone who loved me that much?"

"I fucking _hurt_ you-"

"I know you're hearing me, Riku, but you're not _listening_ ," Sora cried, squeezing his eyes shut tight. "You _didn't_ hurt me, I let it _happen._ Because even back then, no one got under my skin like you did. And no one has ever loved me like you do. And I…" he whimpered, frustrated tears running down his cheeks and onto Riku's shirt. "I've _never_ loved _anyone…_ the way I love you."

Slowly, so painstakingly slowly, Riku's arms raised until they rested on the younger boy's shoulders. Sora shook his head and continued.

"I never blamed you for that time. I hated _myself_ , because _I_ had let it happen, because _I_ enjoyed it. Everything you did was out of love, while my actions were based on…lies and…cruelties…and other bad things. You loved me… _so much…_ and then I fell in love with you." The blood from his bleeding lip was coursing alongside the salt tears, now.

"What I told you last night…that wasn't a lie," he sobbed, twisting his fingers further into Riku's shirt. "I love you. More than…more than _anything._ I don't want to end this. I don't want you to leave me. And if you do…if you can't forgive me…then at least give me this. Give me a few minutes, so that I can pretend that maybe today is still yesterday and we're falling asleep on the floor, and I've just told you that I loved you and you're laughing and hugging me, and everything is _perfect._ Please. Let me pretend."

There was silence. Then a slight inhalation, and Riku spoke. "Sora? Sora, look at me."

The smaller boy gasped for breath, but lifted his eyes slowly to meet Riku's. And what he saw there robbed him of the last vestiges of air he had in his lungs.

Because Riku was smiling, and the expression was the most beautiful thing Sora had ever seen.

"You don't have to pretend," Riku whispered, placing a soft kiss on Sora's brow. "Everything _is_ perfect." The smile widened slightly, and he pulled Sora towards him in a gesture that would have been violent if not for the love evident in his every movement.

"We're both idiots, aren't we?" he laughed, planting kiss after kiss onto Sora's wild hair. "I think it's all my fault and you're sure it's all _your_ fault, and in the end we still can't believe that maybe someone loves us as much as we love them."

"R-riku?" Sora asked, hardly daring to trust the smile in the older boy's voice. Riku pulled back then, and at that moment Sora realized that there would _never_ be an end to the increasingly beautiful smiles from the older boy - they would only ever grow in their sheer magnificence and utter _love._

"Maybe you lied to me that day when you told me that you cared about me," Riku murmured, his eyebrows lifting at their insides in an expression that might have been pain if not for the happiness visible in his every movement. "But if you hadn't…if you hadn't lied…then this would _never_ have happened. I would _never_ have had you in my arms. I never would have confessed to you, and you'd have gone through your whole life hating me." His smile softened, and he tilted Sora's chin up to meet his eyes.

"How can you expect me to be angry with you for lying - and really, it was more of a practical joke - when it was that lie that led me to you?"

Sora swayed on his feet, leaning forward to place most of his weight on the taller body standing before him. "You…" he began, then licked his lips. His mouth was strangely parched, but he couldn't remember ever feeling more giddy. He wanted to apologize again, wanted to make sure that everything was honestly okay, but he couldn't find the words to ask. Instead he raised a trembling hand and patted Riku on the head lightly.

"You've gotta stop acting like such a sap, Riku," he said, voice wobbling. "People are gonna start thinking that you're a girl."

Riku laughed then, and the sound that rang through the empty room was as warm as the first rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds after a long, hard rain. "Well, that's okay," he chuckled. "As long as _you_ know I'm a guy."

Sora spluttered, giggling as he wiped the tears irritably from his cheeks. "Why does _everything_ you say have to be perverted?" he asked, laughing in pure relief. Riku grinned.

"Only because you take 'em that way," he said. He took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets and turning towards the door.

"Y'know," he called over his shoulder. "We could probably dub this our first real fight as a couple." When Sora snorted in disbelief, he continued. "No, really! This was our first argument! We should mark it on the calendar: Sora and Riku's Big Fight."

"You're an idiot," Sora said, slouching as he walked towards Riku. _'My one true love,'_ he thought to himself, rolling his eyes internally at the utter sappiness of the term.

"Maybe," Riku grinned, holding a hand out for Sora to take. "But I'm your idiot. And I'll never have it any other way. 'Cause I love you, and all."

Sora laughed with glee and echoed the sentiment. And then, for good measure, he repeated the words, all the way home.

Years later, Sora woke up at four minutes past six in the morning and sat up, blinking blearily at the white-haired figure laying beside him.

"Riku," he muttered, shaking the older boy - now a man, though neither would ever be caught dead acting like one - awake. "Wake up. We promised Selphie we'd pick her and Tidus up at the airport."

The larger figure of his long-time lover moaned and pulled the covers over his head. "Don't care," he groaned. "It's not _their_ anniversary. I don't see why we should wake up at the crack of dawn to pick _them_ up."

"Shut up," Sora said, grinning. "They came all the way from Destiny Islands to see us. Hell, _everyone's_ coming to see us. It's the least you can do."

"The _'least I can do,'_ " Riku mock-snarled, rolling over until he was sprawled atop his younger bed mate, "Is keep you here all day long. And _then_ we can go pick 'em up. Like, tomorrow, or something."

"Riku!" Sora laughed, pushing the larger man away from him. "Get up! Or I'm cutting you off for a _week_!"

There was a small pause, and then Riku groaned, rolling off the bed and onto the floor. "You're such a little _jerk_ ," he muttered irritably. "I don't know why I put up with you."

Sora sighed and crawled over the bed, smiling down at Riku from his spot on the carpeted floor. "Because you love me," he whispered, bending down to press his lips softly against the white-haired man's all-too-willing ones.

Riku sighed in amusement and stood up, wrestling the coverlet away from Sora and tying it around his naked waist. "Yeah," he smiled, shooting Sora a bright grin before walking towards the bedroom door of their shared house. "I guess I do."

He paused at the doorway, then turned back to his naked lover with a soft, unbearably loving smile. "Look under your pillow, Sora," he murmured, drinking in every detail of the younger man's lovely face. "Happy Anniversary."

Sora waited until he heard the sound of the shower running before he allowed himself to lift the pillow.

On the bed lay a small, velvet-covered box. Inside lay a ring. Engraved on the interior of this ring was a small caricature of a little white dove and the words ' _Until the end of forever'_ circling the band. Sora noticed none of this. His attention was on the object resting alongside the little box.

A single flowering branch from an arbutus tree.

Owari.

* * *

 **Author's End Notes** : I think I might cry. I really can't describe how much I loved writing this fic, how much I loved _it._ I mean…it's not perfect, and now matter how much I go back and edit, I doubt it will ever be. But…this fic began as a gift to a good friend, and it ended as the story probably closest to my heart. Through all the ups and downs, through everything, absolutely _everything_ …this is the one fic that I really poured all of myself into…the one fic I poured every one of my own emotions, every bit of love I've ever had for any one. I didn't try to describe love, because I don't know if that's possible - and if it is, I doubt that I'd be able to do it. But…I wanted to _show_ it. And to all of you who read it, who enjoyed it - and especially those who liked it enough to review it - I want to say thank you. For all your support, whether they were Orange Mooching Gophers, as **The Writer** calls them, or whether they were paragraph long reviews that asked questions and quoted favorite lines and shared all of the happiness they received, simply because I _wrote_ this little fic. For everything, thank you. For sticking with me even after that first chapter, where I'm sure mouths dropped open in shock. Just…thank you.

It almost feels a bit funny to ask you to review…even though, yes, I would very much like you to do so. So I'll just say this: If this story ever stirred in you a bit of happiness or sadness or some kind of emotion that showed how much you liked it…please review. A line or a comment or a quote, or even a paragraph or two if you loved it enough. But thank you so much for reading, and for sticking through this. I'll see you all later. And I'll always love you.

 **-Dual**


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